Longing for more beauty

"The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing...to find the place where all the beauty came from." C.S. Lewis

I remember the first night that we camped in the mountains in Utah, I was kept awake almost the whole night by the beauty of our surroundings. The moon was just shy of full and made the place bright. The white aspen bark glowed. The reflection of the brightness on the lake and the millions of stars shining was more beauty than I could soak in....even staying up most of the night.

Each evening as we prepared and ate dinner around the fire, up to 15 deer would gather in the field between the water and our site. They were gracefully eating and interacting with one another. Their beauty was also captivating.

These things always serve as a reminder to me that God is big, living, and the master artist. I will forever long for more beauty and long for the originator of this beauty.

"As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God?" (Psalm 42:1-2) and another Psalm that has been working on me: "O God, you are my God, I seek you, my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water." (Psalm 63:1)

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

In the last few weeks, Will and I have attended many different sorts of churches in many different places. From an indepedent-almost-charismatic, United Methodist, Episcopal, Presbyterian, and Free Methodist...they were all fascinating and offered something nutritious for the soul. Particularly interesting was that almost every one of them sang this wonderful hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing."

As we have been wandering and discovering strangers turned into friends all along the way, I found these words resonating with my soul. My prayer in the last few days has been that more than anything God would allow me to be bound to Him. That our time of wandering would be directed toward God and that our foot steps would be envoloped in God's grace and goodness.

The picture is from one of the trails that we took. The trail went along side a creek and was packed with Aspen trees. Yet, every so often, there would be a clearing that was just packed with these wild daisies. Such beauty tucked away. One more spot along the way that calls out praise to God, the greatest artist of all!

Here is the version of the hymn by Robert Robinson that is printed in my prayer book:
Come thou fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above;
Praise the mount - I'm fixed upon it -
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Here I'll raise mine Ebenezer,
Hither by Thy help I've come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor,
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

More pictures from Utah

Today is actually our first day back in a city. Moab didn't have adequate internet juice to publish my blog. So, I actually wrote that blog on Saturday and worked with no success for at least two hours to publish it. Now, we are in Denver. But, I still have many things to blog about Utah and our other wilderness experiences.

The large arch picture actually has something hidden therein. You may have to zoom! It's like the game where's Waldo, but now, it is where's Willie? Let me know if you find him.

Canyonlands

Will and Basil and I have been in the Canyonlands region on Utah for almost a week now. That seems like a long time (for us to stay in one place anyway). Yet, in order to see and do all that there is here, it would take weeks.

We have spent a couple of days at an inn in Moab that is small but sweet. They allowed us to store this computer monitor that Will purchased at the local thrift store for $5. They are also very accommodating to Basil as long as we do the poopy scooping.

Three nights we camped at one of the most unbelievably gorgeous spots in the country (though I am prone to exaggeration and often say "this is the pretty place on the planet!" I am really not, here. Look for yourself at the picture. We pitched our tent there! That was the view from our tent's front flap!

We hiked a lot of trails. Some were short, for instance Burro Pass was only 3.4 miles. It was rated a "D" for difficult on our trail map. Another one we ventured onto was also rated a "D" but once we were up the first ridiculously steep incline with a breathtaking view on the mountains and canyons, we realized that the trail disappeared. It was no where to be found. Even Basil, the great trail blazin' dog that she is was unable to locate it. And we then couldn't really find the trail to go down! WOW, getting back down that mountain was something to write home about....except I would never tell my mother because she has a severe agoraphobic side and I can just hear her now saying "don't you know you could have gotten yourself killed!" It was an amazing experience. One that I am grateful to have lived through, but do not relish repeating!

Rising from the Ashes

"You take this big, barren, chunk of wood that doesn't look like its good for anything except maybe to cut up and burn for firewood, and you start chiseling away at it, and, little by little, something starts forming. And in the end, something beautiful is made out of something that other people might see as worthless. I feel like our lives are shaped that way."

Immediately, I thought of these works of art being a parallel for our lives. The most wounded, brused, and seemingly useless human material.....us, God chooses to transform into beauty! I see this same thing happen over and over. God's main business is transforming the hurt and grief in our lives into something else. Our lives are shaped by God. Yet, sometimes it feels like fire that burns away everything that we hold dear. Sometimes, it feels like a chainsaw at work on us, removing the things that are diseased or unhealthy. Sometimes, it is the gentle hand of God shaping our hurt, smoothing over the rough places and giving us a story that we can share in order to bless others. Whatever the case may be, God calls us to be his handiwork so that the world will know what God has done for us.

The chainsaw artist, Mark Chavez, spoke these words in an interview with a reporter from the Albuquerque Tribune. He was one of the firefighters that helped put out the fire that happened in the bosque in the summer of 2003. There are now four carved sculptures done by Mark at Pueblo Montano. The cottonwood trees that were part of the fire and now beautiful beacons in the Bosque that will bless many for generations. (see more at: http://www.cabq.gov/openspace/pdf/305.PDF )

What amazing beauty can come where there was once only damage and destruction!

Man Cannot Live on Green Chiles Alone

McDonald's features the double green chile cheeseburger for only $.99! What a steal! So, even after we had that great ball park food, we couldn't resist splurging for some distinctively ABQ burgers.

Only in ABQ

Having been away from here for many years, I am enchanted by things that are distinctively New Mexico.

Sunday evening, we saw Albuquerque Isotopes (albuquerquebaseball.com) get absolutely slawtered by the Memphis Redbirds (ironically an affiliate team of the St. Louis Cardinals). The mascot is so adorable. One ABQ distinctive feature is the race around the bases in which the red chile, green chile, and taco see which can make it to home plate first. My sister says that the two chiles are mean to the taco, but she cheers for green chile anyway. It just so happened, that Will and I had gone to get some food right before this race. "I cannot believe they have posole at the ballpark" Will kept saying as I ordered a bowl and proceeded to enjoy it and accidently spill it down my leg and onto my sock and shoe. (Posole is a traditional New Mexico stew containing a hominy type corn, chile, pork, and spices) The red chile reminants on my leg and sock became quiet a treat from Basil later on that evening. When we returned to our seats, the chiles and taco were running the bases and I felt compelled to root for the red chile because I was in the midst of consuming some of the most tasty ball park cuisine in the country....red chile posole. Can you believe that they have it at the ball park? Only in the Land of Enchantment!

Another thing that is so distinctively NM is the tumble weeds. See the one that my sister is displaying, it is huge but not at all the biggest that I have seen.

The Land of Enchantment

Will, Basil and I drove to New Mexico on Wednesday. We left OK City in the morning knowing that out of all the drives in the country, this may be the most dreadful. I am typically "enchanted" by most scenery and enjoy road trips because of this. But the drive from OK City to Albuquerque, NM is less than enchanting. Also, that day was particularly dreadful because of the 50 mile per hour winds. Our Toyota Corolla was not staying on the road and Will has been suffering with some of the "ear, nose, chest" crud.
I even remember this drive from my childhood.

My family used to travel to Oklahoma a lot when I was growing up. One of the things that usually occupies my mind when driving this stretch nowadays is all those early road trips. We would visit in the winter and one time, we got caught in a huge snow storm in Amarillo. A few other times, we went and visited a sick and then dying aunt in Pampa, TX. That road takes me back to those days.

So,we are now in Albuquerque and have been spending time with family. Today is a special day in that my nephew Tristan is graduating from pre-school.....cap and gown and all!

I will post pictures later cause there are lots of enchanting people and things here.

BIG NEWS

"I alone know the plans I have for you...plans to bring about the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11

After many days, weeks, months of praying and waiting on God, we finally have an idea about what our future holds. Just as this scripture says, God does promise to bring those things we hope for. We have had to believe this against many odds. Today, we heard that we will be moving to Vandalia, IL. I will be the pastor of Parkview Free Methodist Church beginning in August.

We visited the church and met some folks there on Saturday. The Leadership Summit of the Gateway Conference inspired us. It was amazing how many people we knew there and we felt very welcomed.

So, once again, we went into these situations feeling like strangers, but found that we were really among friends. We happened upon saints....notorious and respected Free Methodists that we had only known previously in history books (such as Bob Cranston)....and some other ordinary yet no less respected saints such as Eric Watterson.

The saints that housed us were Karl and Deb Somerville. I like to call their house that was built circa 1915 the "Somerville Resort." The woodwork that is typical for that time period was gorgeous. They also showered us with great hospitality including Starbucks coffee. The picture here is the scrumptious "Strawberry Shortcake" made with the old fashioned Bisquick recipe. It was modified and made with Splenda just for me. OUT OF THIS WORLD good.

I do feel blessed to have such a great assembly of saints surrounding us. I think of those who have blessed my life in the past and those who I have recently encountered that have blessed my life, and I even feel blessed in knowing that God will bless us with even more new saints in the future.

Pictures from OK

Here are a couple pictures from Oklahoma. I spoke of that strange dirt and this is a great picutre of how red the dirt is. Also, the clouds and sunset are amazing. We have put hundreds of miles on our car in the last week.

The Things that Make for Peace

Yesterday, Will, Joyce and I went to the Oklahoma City Memorial. The museum, the chairs, the crains,the reflecting pool, the Jesus' weeping statue by the Catholic church and the survivor tree (pictured here) are all spectacular sites. (Please excuse the crazy looks on our faces...look beyond us, though and see the momument that has 9:01 on it, the moment before the blast at 9:02).

It is a must see for any person of faith. I had visited the museum a couple years back and was most moved by the children's choir singing "let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me" at the exit. This was not part of it this time, but the message is still clear that this memorial is about what each and every single one of us can do to promote peace and reconciliation in our world.

The statue of Jesus weeping refernced the shortest verse in scripture, John 11:35. Jesus weeps at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. It is a moving passage and one that reminds us of Jesus compassion (suffering with others who suffer).

Jesus weeps at other times in scripture. The one that I was thinking of when I saw this statue was Luke 19 as Jesus approaches the city for the last time. He is facing rejection and death. v. 42-46: "And he came near and saw the city, he wept over it, saying, 'if you, even you, had only recognized on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. Indeed, the days will come upon you, when your enemies will set up ramparts around you and surround you, and hem you in on every side. They will crush you to the ground, you and your children within you, and they will not leave within you one stone upon another; because you did not recognize the time of your visitation from God."

I often ponder the things that make for peace. What exactly was Jesus speaking of here? Was he weeping because he longed for the pompous religious folks to admit that they did not have all the answers? Was he weeping because they and many others did not recognize Him as the Christ? What causes Jesus to weep as He looks over our neighborhoods and world?

The trouble with flowers

Today my mother in law Joyce and I planted lots of wonderful flowers.

The only trouble is that we left the water running on them for at least 2 hours longer than necessary. Now they are floating down the ditch in front of the house.

The soil here in Oklahoma is very interesting....I think it is part sandy clay and part, well something unidentifyable! It has been very wet and when we were putting the soil back in the holes after planting, it globbed together so much that it was like cookie dough.

The other trouble we had with flowers had to do with changing my profile picture here on blogger. I changed the template of my blog and now I needed a picture for my profile that matched. So, we wanted something like flowers. Now adding this was an ordeal. This blogger for dummies book says that blogger makes it "outrageously complicated...cumbersome and user hostile insufficiency." But it did not get the best of us. As you see, we found flowers and a nice textile background that matches just fine.

Hospitality "Revisited"

Our host and hostess during the last four days of our trip were so wonderful. Greg, our host, we met for the first time on Friday and by our parting on Monday morning, I felt that he had actually become a good friend. The hours we spent with them were rich with conversations about how God works in our world and lives, family, church, and moving. They made a huge move from the Seattle area to the midwest just last year. Though they probably do not realize it, the things that they shared with us about their recent move helped us navigate the complexities of our move. Greg also made the best coffee...."French Press" style. I also loved playing "hand and foot" with them in the evenings. We are so grateful to them for entertaining us. They are truly a huge blessing.

This picture is of three baby birds on the window sil at their house. They are longing for food. For a time, they will make their home precariously perched on a narrow ledge. They too are relying on the hopsitality of strangers. They too have to trust in another....and even many others to nurture them and provide for them. I wonder if trusting and not worrying comes easy to these birds. I wonder about my own ability to trust in the one who says: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them...So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:25, 26, 34.

Another Short List of Strangers

A waitress at the IHOP was so kind to give me Splenda out of her personal stash from her purse. I knew by this that she was among the kind strangers that we would meet. I asked her: "is this a nice neighborhood?" and she said "oh, yes, I stay just right over here, close enough to walk, but of coarse I drive." I then said, "is there a lot of crime here, like a crack house every other block." She says: "oh, no definately not. This is one of the best neighborhoods. My kids go to school over here."

Another waitress when asked the same question answered: "I am not trying to sound racist, but this area is really going down hill. My parents want to move because it's gotten so bad....I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I don't think you should move to this part of town."

Yet another person, the cab driver, says "I wouldn't live in that part of town because the police are racist." Then continued, "it's a conservative area of town, lots of people move their to raise their families and they basically keep to themselves....you have to be assertive in order to make friends there."

It is amazing that three different people can have such a huge variety of opinions on one part of town. As strangers traveling through and observing for ourselves, we felt a warm welcome by the locals and given all that we saw thought it may be a nice place to live. They seem rather open to tolerating strangers.

A Short List of Strangers We Met along the Way

Traveling this way makes it necessary to rely on strangers. As we have intentionally become strangers, we realize how fearful our world has become. If we are not careful, we can encounter the stranger with suspicion and we could easily become afraid.

Bob and Karen Paisley are the masterminds of Metrapolitan Ensalmble Theatre (check out their website: www.METkc.org) here in Kansas City. We were enchanted by their production of Tenessee Williams' "A Streetcar Named Desire." Absolutely fabulous acting and directing! The final words resonate with me and sum up well our transition. As Blanch DuBois says: "I have always relied on the kindness of strangers." Although, Bob and Karen are not strangers to us , we have not known them that long and even so during our time away, they used our car. Theirs had been stolen. Examples of such non-sense abounds, but so do examples of great kindness. Now that we are back, they are borrowing someone else's vehicle for a while.

While visiting Chris and Lori at Oakdale Christian Academy in the hills of Kentucky, we were doing a short hike up a trail when we came upon a wild turkey and her young. Kylar, age 4 (in a couple days anyway) and Kaiden, age 2, Lori and I were startled at first. Lori did a crazy "scare the chicken" dance and I stood perfectly still after scooping Kaiden up into my arms. The wild turkey swawked and circled us hoping that we would get the message that we were not welcome strangers in his territory. Those baby turkeys were being protected from possible harm. We took the hint and slowly made our way back down the trail.

Another stanger that made me laugh was the woman taking our order at McDonalds. Clearly Chris and Lori are living as strangers in KY because they have not learned the native tongue and it took 4 tries....at least 10 minutes to order 3 items at McDonalds.

Now, we are back in KC for a couple days then we will go the the Great Plains Annual Conference. Yes, we will say goodbye to a lot of dear people...and even though we still have to decide where we will call home, we are still "going where we're going and we'll get there when we get there." These dear people were strangers six years ago and have become family. It causes me great grief.

Relying on the Kindness of Strangers

"In fact, when we stay in one place too long, we run the risk of holding too closely to the safely familiar centers of our existence. Our everyday life and the assumptions about the world implicit in it become opaque to us." by Roberta Bondi, from Traveling On, Weavings, Nov.-Dec. 1991

Chilly and Windy City

The first three hours of our mega bus journey was so cold! I was not adequately prepared for this. I packed only shorts and a sun dress and sandles. So when we stoped at a gas station Will offered his KC Royals pajama pants and I accepted. After that I actually slept for a while. At five o'clock in the morning the bus approched downtown Chicago and the sun was rising. It was beautiful.

We grabbed out bags and exited the bus onto the side walk. It was Sunday morning and nothing in Union Station was open. There was no where to buy coffee. We were on a search and conquer mission for a good breakfast and hot coffee. So, we hit the side walk and I was back in short again because I didn't really want to be roaming Chicago in KC Royals pijama pants. It was freezing. The few people who were on the streets had obviously spent the night there and they were much more adequately clothed than us.

The resturant that bragged that it made fresh pastries and the "world's best breakfast" was not open until 6 o'clock. Their hospitality was not the best either cause when Will popped his head in and asked where the closest Starbucks was or the closest place to get breakfast they said "we don't know."

There was another little shop around the corner with breakfast and then just one more block down was the Starbucks. So, we finally got hot coffee and breakfast....eight block walk and almost frozen!

Prayer of Thomas Merton

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually do so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Fallow Ground

"Sometimes when I'm feeling powerless, I go crazy and color my hair." Responds a friend of mine when I asked her about her new red hair. It looks good that way and I wondered why she did it. I replied back to her, "like when I feel powerless, I want to plant rose bushes."

Really planting anything makes me feel better. It is less than 36 hours until we leave Kansas City and I am baking. What a bizarre thing to do before a 18 hour road trip! Dying our hair, planting beautiful things, and the sweet aroma and taste of fresh baked cookies.....all of these things may be ways to maintain our sanity when we really feel out of control.

I am a recovering control freak. Really trusting that God is in control is not easy. I am frequently impatient and frustrated by the fact that we are virtually letting go of one place before we know what our next place will be. Most people really do think we are nuts. Most days I think we are nuts.

On the other hand, this little time that I have away from pastoring is going to my sabbath rest. It is a biblical principle. Every seventh year, the Hebrew people were told to leave their ground fallow.....that means do not plant, water, reap anything from the ground. Rest, breath, worship and trust that God will take care of your life. This was SO difficult for the Hebrew people that they came up with an extraordinary and exhaustive list of things that one could and could not do during sabbath rest. I think that baking, dying your hair, and planting shrubs are all NOT permissable during sabbath rest. (if you are one who knows for sure, please respond so that we will all be better informed)

Now, I am wondering as I smell the muffin's aroma rising from my oven, how will I handle the next few weeks without an oven to bake in and without a yard to plant. Will I find that God is in fact in control when my ground is left fallow?

Golden Fields and Getting Home Quick

The picture does not do it justice! Last week, I was the temporary receptionist at MacDon in Kansas City, MO. This is the mural in the gigantic entry way of that building. With the four panels together, the thing is at least 25 in length and 10 foot in height.

This company manufactures farm equipment. You should check out their web site (www.macdon.com) to see the first in it's class Dual Direction windrower. The larger engine makes it possible to do work in the field faster than ever and then when you are done for the day, you pull a lever, turne the steering wheel and BOOM, you are facing the other direction and able to make it back home at speeds up to 23 miles an hour.

Maybe you have seen those large tractors that take up most of the the two lane road in the farming communities in Kansas. You know that it is frustrating to get caught behind of one of those going home. Now just think if it were you behind the wheel....you would really happy to be able to now go 23 miles per hour.

In general, farmers have a great appreciation for the land. Most of us know the feeling of being stuck behind one of these machines on two lane Kansas roads. I'm sure that that 2 minutes felt like forever! My challenge to you: next time you get caught behind one of these machines, take that as your opportunity to appreciate the land: soak in the beauty of it, thank God for it and those who care for it, take a moment to pause, breath, and pray. We all could use a little bit more of that.

By the way, I got to sit behind the wheel of one of these machines.....now THAT rocked!