This blog has been around for eight years. It's hard to believe how time flies. This time of year always demands an increase in evaluation. As pastors know, January is premium time to retreat as I had the practice of doing for many years. Part of my retreat would include some sort of self-examination. There is some discomfort in this practice, that is if you really hold your life before God and ask his search light to reveal the mess and the marvels of life. This kind of self-examination because of its intensity will result in real confession. Yet, there are periods in our lives when we say with the Psalmist: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting"(Psalm 139:23-24) and after entering into this prayer, we find something similar to an internal fire alarm sounding. Though we think we want to confess, we are scared to death to face to face with the caverns and crevices of sin soaked garbage and filth that hides most of the time. These hidden sins ooze out in unguarded moments when our tact meter is not fully functioning.
This post is a form of confession. Pretending is what I have done so often. It has become a habit. What will God find as I offer my heart to Him for examination? What uncomfortable truth have I been pretending doesn't exist?
One reality that I'm living with is that I no longer am a pastor. I do not have pastoral charge over a congregation. (I do preach in a variety of country churches in our area about twice a month.) One of my defining "identities" has slipped away. This fact still grieves me after two years of having taken a leave of absence. I must confess that this is part of my woundedness.
I have decided to retitle this blog to match my actual life and not my previous life. Do not worry! I am not going to change it back if I so happen to be lead by God back into pastoring again. My identity is more firmly in God now and very loosely in a title, job, or occupation.
No comments:
Post a Comment