"Rules" for living in community

Those who have chosen to live in community frequently develop a "rule."  This document outlines what it looks like to live in community with others and what each person commits to as he or she is deciding to join the community.  St. Benedict's rule is fascinating.  It says that a person wanting to join the community can be left on the steps for up to a week being given a little bit of food here and there.  Imagine getting the idea you may want to join a Benedictine community, walking there with only a bag slung over your shoulder, and knocking on the massive door of the monastery.  "Do you want to be a Benedictine?" the person says.  You reply, "yes, of course, that is why I came."  The person slams the door and says "you are not ready, but you can wait there until you are ready, if you wish."  The next day, someone throws you a scrap of bread and a similar conversation happens.  The Benedictines figured that only those who REALLY want to be Benedictines would suffer in body and spirit in this way. 

Living in community takes humility.  "Rules" and obedience in deference to others is not popular even among those who claim to walk in the way of Jesus.  Perhaps even for some (I'm in this category) who REALLY want to live in community, who really want to be obedient, who really desire to stand in God's presence in the company of others, actually doing it means letting go.  It means that body, mind and heart are disciplined. 

My daily experience is that of being humbled.  Will I walk in the way of Jesus and accept the humbling with Jesus? 

"Let all of you then live together in oneness of mind and heart, mutually honoring in yourselves the God whose temples you have become."  from the Rule of St. Augustine found on http://www.midwestaugustinians.org/prayerrule.html.  The Augustinian heritage quiz is fairly easy.  My new found humility prevents me from telling you my score

Hands

St. Augustine says:  "God gives where he finds empty hands."  I searched for an appropraite "cupped hands" photo on microsoft free clip art site and the majority of the picutres were of communion cups or coffee cups. I also modified my new "wounded hearts beholding God" (blog title) from St. Augustine.  He had a profound appreciation for confession and I have found his work entitled just that to be refreshing.  There is no pretense or pretending with him.  The empty hand image is one I like very much and often as I pray my palms will be open and lifted slightly up.  As to speak to God even with my body language that I want nothing more than to sit and receive.

Self-knowledge must never be abandoned

St. Teresa of Avila says:  "This path of self knowledge must never be abandoned, nor is there on this journey a soul so much a giant that it has no need to return often to the stage of an infant and a suckling....Along this path of prayer, self knowledge and the thought of one's sins is the bread with which all palates must be fed no matter how delicate they may be;  they cannot be sustained without this bread"

This may sound sort of twisted, but it is true.  We cannot pretend to be better than we are.  As you and I come face to face with the messiness that within us, there is nowhere else for us to go but the throne of grace.  Not turning these things over to God will ultimately make our lives all the more messy.  Yet, if we are brave enough, when we confess, we are fed.  It is only when we come forward with honesty that we find our Heavenly Father who is open-armed.  If we pretend that there is nothing wrong with us then we will not know His embrace.  We will not hear these words of truth:  "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." (Psalm 103:8)

C.S. Lewis says:  "lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us."

Actual Life

This blog has been around for eight years.  It's hard to believe how time flies.  This time of year always demands an increase in evaluation.  As pastors know, January is premium time to retreat as I had the practice of doing for many years.  Part of my retreat would include some sort of self-examination.  There is some discomfort in this practice, that is if you really hold your life before God and ask his search light to reveal the mess and the marvels of life.  This kind of self-examination because of its intensity will result in real confession.  Yet, there are periods in our lives when we say with the Psalmist: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.  See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting"(Psalm 139:23-24) and after entering into this prayer, we find something similar to an internal fire alarm sounding.  Though we think we want to confess, we are scared to death to face to face with the caverns and crevices of sin soaked garbage and filth that hides most of the time.  These hidden sins ooze out in unguarded moments when our tact meter is not fully functioning. 

This post is a form of confession.  Pretending is what I have done so often.  It has become a habit.  What will God find as I offer my heart to Him for examination?  What uncomfortable truth have I been pretending doesn't exist? 

One reality that I'm living with is that I no longer am a pastor.  I do not have pastoral charge over a congregation. (I do preach in a variety of country churches in our area about twice a month.)  One of my defining "identities" has slipped away.  This fact still grieves me after two years of having taken a leave of absence.  I must confess that this is part of my woundedness. 

I have decided to retitle this blog to match my actual life and not my previous life.  Do not worry!  I am not going to change it back if I so happen to be lead by God back into pastoring again.  My identity is more firmly in God now and very loosely in a title, job, or occupation.    

Youth is renewed

G.K. Chesterton's idea about God's creativity has captured my imagination. Creation is God's repeated action of goodness. It is a routine God has in order to bless us. Chesterton compares God to children when they find a particular game or joke that they like they say, "do it again," until the grown up is exhausted of it. He goes on to say that perhaps it is because "grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, 'do it again' to the sun; and every evening, 'do it again' to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God made every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we...Heaven may encore...."

Now standing in a pile of yellow, brown, orange crumpled leaves, I look up and see all of the sky. I hear the gees squawk and feel the gusting of the chilly air. The clap of the falling leaves make me think that God is encoring. The turning of the seasons never grows monotonous for me. Sometimes I need reminding that patterns and routines can be enjoyed. God invites us into routines as we live in relationship with Him and sometimes it may seem sort of chaotic and other times may seem very monotonous. Yet, God is always creating and re-creating us from the inside out. It is his routine to create and bless and He never gets tired of it.

Weariness and aging happens as we turn away from God's creating and recreating in us. We turn grumpy and resentful when we do not ask for God's energy and vitality for our day to day living. If we do not invite God, we will "turn old" before our time.

God offers us a renewed, energy giving, life sustaining source that is never exhausted:
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and do not forget all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good as long as you live.
So that your youth is renewed like the eagles. (Psalm 103:1-5)

Morning and Evening Prayer (John Ballie)

The prayers below are just a sampling from John Baillie (A Diary of Private Prayer). They have touched my heart and I would like to share them with you.

Morning Prayer
"O God my creator and redeemer, I may not go forth today except You accompany me with your blessing. Let not the vigor and freshness of the morning, or the glow of good health, or the present prosperity of my undertakings, deceive me into a false reliance upon my own strength. All the good gifts have come to me from you. They were yours to give and they are yours also to curtail. They are not mine to keep; I do but hold them in trust; and only in continued dependence upon you, the giver, can they be worthily enjoyed.

Let me then put back into Your hand all that you have given me, rededicating to your service all the powers of my mind and body, all my worldly goods, all my influence with others. All these, O Father, are Yours to use as you will. All these are Yours, O Christ. Al these are Yours, O Holy Spirit. Speak in my words today, think in my thoughts today and work in all my deeds. And seeing that it is Your gracious will to make even of such weak human instruments in the fulfillment of Your mighty purpose in the world, let my life today be the channel through which some little portion of your divine love and pity may reach the lives that are nearest to my own.

In Your solemn presence, O God, I remember all my friends and neighbors, my fellow townsfolk, and especially the poor within our gates beseeching You that You would give me grace, so fare as in me lies, to serve them in Your name. Amen.


Evening Prayer
"O Thou who art from everlasting to everlasting, I would turn my thoughts to Thee as the hours of darkness and of sleep begin. O Son of my soul, I rejoice to know that all night I shall be under the unsleeping eye of One who dwells in eternal light.

To thy care, O Father, I would now commend my body and my soul. All day Thou has watched over me and Thy companionship has filled my heart with peace. Let me not go through any part of this night unaccompanied by Thee.

Give me sound and refreshing sleep.
Give me safety from all perils.
Give me in my sleep freedom from restless dreams.
Give me control of my thoughts, if I should lie awake.
Give me wisdom to remember that the night was made for sleeping, and not for the harbouring of anxious or fretful or shameful thoughts.
Give me grace, if as I lie abed I think at all, to think upon Thee.

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips; when I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.

To Thy care also, O Father, I would commend my friends, beseeching Thee to keep them safe in soul and body, and to be present to their hearts to-night as a spirit of power and of joy and of restfulness. I pray also for the wider circle of all my associates, my fellow workers, my fellow townsmen and all strangers within our gates; and the great world of men without, to me foreign and unknown, but dear to Thee; through Jesus Christ our common Lord. Amen."

A prayer that I clipped and saved from somewhere!?

"O Lord my God, to you and your service I devote myself, body, soul and spirit. Fill my memory with the record of your might works; enlighten my understanding with the light of your Holy Spirit; and may all the desires of my heart and will center in what you would have me do. Make me an instrument of your salvation for the people entrusted to my care, and let me by my life and speaking set forth your true and living Word. Be always with me in carrying out the duties of my salvation; in praises heighten my love and gratitude, in speaking of You give me readiness of thought and expression, and grant that, by the clearness and brightness of your holy Word, all the world may be drawn to your blessed kingdom. All this I ask for the sake of your Son my Savior Jesus Christ. Amen"