It is embarrassing to admit how ignorant I am about certain things. It took a huge amount of prayerful courage to e-mail a digital native in my congregation and ask for help. I waited till the last possible moment and sent that e-mail to Grace Wilson: "I'm wondering if you could help me with a project I am working on?" She told me she thought I was going to ask her to bake and I enjoy baking so it could be that I just needed an extra set of hands while doing so. The truth is I have never really needed "help" with baking, tie-dying (after that first initial tutorial by Lori), or gardening. These are activities that are more enjoyable with others, but they have never required substantive help.
However, this was a project that required a lot of skills and expertise that I just did not have a month ago. I was going to learn to use twitter, instagram, and hashtags. Galaxies of cyber space have existed now for over ten years and I have been oblivious and scared to venture out into them. I had been talking to God for a whole month to process whether or not it was something that I needed to do. It turns out that this project was something God was calling me to do. Facing that fear and inviting God to use me in whatever way He wants is always a good thing. Sometimes the galaxies out there that scare us to death offer adventure and vistas that are so beautiful and grand. Sometimes exploring these means that we have to admit that we need help, ask for it, and face the fact that things may not go well.
During the filming of
Lived Experience last year, I faced a depth of fear that almost paralyzed me. I vividly remember deep breathing, forward folding, and praying in the women's restroom that evening after six hours straight of repeating the research findings from my study. The image sired in my mind, I was either going to be crucified or I was going to run out of the restroom and down the hill a few blocks into the Pacific Ocean. I would swim far away never returning to the set. It was God's grace that held me in that place and assured me that sometimes crucifixion is necessary for us to experience resurrection. I finished the filming that day.
The next morning as I prepared for the day, that same fear was hanging on. I made a few phone calls to support people who I could count on to tell me the truth. "I know that this is all true and that it needs to be presented, but why me?" I said to them and to God. Their responses were shockingly similar, "You can do this. I believe in you. The enemy is whispering in your ear and we will ask Jesus and His fierce army to triumph so that God's work can be done in this. This is so important for the church and for the Gospel message to advance." They prayed.
Another important encouragement came through the words of Dallas Willard and Gary Black in the
Divine Conspiracy Continued: "Love of neighbor is to act or be poised to act for the good of that thing or person. Love of neighbor is a disposition to act for what is good for those closest to us. If you see harm coming to them, you act to deflect or diminish the harm. And if they need some good thing, you do what is reasonably in your power to supply it."
With all of this in my mind now, I knew what I had to do. I had to do the loving thing, the thing that God was setting before me as mine to do, and I would do it with as much power and love as I could with the help of God and others. I finished the filming.
It has been a year and the response to the film has been mixed. There have been some people who are dear to me who said that they felt punched in the gut by it. Some very dear people (both men and women) have not even seen the film because of they fear being punched in the gut. There are some folks who I had hoped would see it, grasp the truth and power in it, and spread the word. They have ignored it.
This November seemed a perfect time to yes to God's invitation to face the fear and press on in advocating for full participation of women in church leadership. I realize that there are many of my friends who are not ready for Lived Experience. They are not yet convinced or comfortable with women preaching and leading. These people, both male and female are the ones I had in mind when I put together 30 days of learning. I love these folks and I am not interested in them feeling punched in the gut. These last thirty days are my overture of love for those who are genuinely stuck in the "man's world" as Bishop David W. Kendall calls it. This "man's world," is a broken world. It is the world in which we lived, both in the church and outside of it.
One rule that is firmly in place in this "man's world" is that those with influence and expertise will be heard. As it stands now, the influencers in this conversation are white men with seminary education. The content of the last 30 days has been brought to you by heavy weights. These people have convincing power. I hope that they will be heard and that eventually, the stories and voices of women will be heard.
Please consider this a curriculum. This last 30 days is a free on-line course, "Women in Church Leadership 101" for you, your friends, family and fellow church people. This is one of the reasons that I am promoting this and doing a book give-away (please see Day 30 for details about "sharing" this post for a chance to win one of the great resources that are available). Not only are these great sources by themselves, they do not require a seminary education and do not require a whole lot of reading. Also, most of these experts have written full length books that more thoroughly address the issues at hand.
A little over a month ago when I was brainstorming these ideas, I noticed that the new Wreck It Ralph was coming into the theater. I walked around saying to everyone, "I'm glad that Roberta didn't break the internet." The truth is that I often worry about breaking stuff. When I ventured out into this whole new galaxy of a social media blitz, I suspected that there would be some breaking of sorts. Instagram told me that I broke rules with my hashtag (#novoicenomorenovember). Thanks to Grace Wilson, I learned to use twitter, instagram, and hashtags (and Grace, we will do some baking together soon!)
I am praying that the only other thing that gets broken nowadays by me is the kingdom of darkness and what remains of the stained glass ceiling.
Thank you. Lord Jesus, for giving me the charge to once more face my fear, to boldly proclaim with my actions and my words that the Kingdom of God is real and is accessible to all who will enter. King Jesus is showing me great and wondrous things that I would have never seen if I had stayed stuck in my fear. This word from Jeremiah resonates with my experience through this journey: "This is God's Message, the God who made earth, made it livable and lasting, known everywhere as God. Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own." (Jeremiah 33:2, MSG) Praise the Lord of heaven and earth for such great things He has done for all of us.
