A Sturdy Place to Perch

"The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in it's branches." Jesus says this about His kingdom. One way to understand this is that the work of God begins in ways that are almost imperceptible in our lives and then it grows and grows becoming something that is not only obvious but also beneficial to others.

Another one of my heroes is Henri J.M. Nouwen who was insightful about the things of the kingdom. His mind and imagination could enter a scripture. He really allowed scripture to read his own heart. His writings invite the reader to enter these realities of scripture in deep ways. He is always humble and transparent, often thinking that he had really not made any progress in the spiritual realm all of his life. In his amazing book "The Return of the Prodigal Son," he writes about being reluctant to become the father (a hero, or the tree that the birds nest in). I think one reason that this impresses me is that I have always been very critical of my own progress in following Jesus. I always wanted that mustard seed of the kingdom to grow into a tree over night! How frustrated I was when it was a slow and sometime imperceptible deal that was not under my control. It is so difficult to accept our own limitations, our wounds, our struggles. There have been times when I have said "no" to the growth of the kingdom in my life because of anger or desires.

Nouwen says this: "They seek a father who can bless and forgive without needing them in the way they need him. I see clearly the truth of my vocation to be a father; at the same time its seems to me almost impossible to follow it. (you see he resisted the growth of tree growing) I don't want to stay home while everyone goes out, whether driven by their desires or their many angers. I feel these same impulses and want to run around like others do! But who is going to be home when they return (will there be a place for the birds to land and find shelter and food?)...The joy of fatherhood (the joy of allowing God's full reign and growth in your life, the joy of being a fully developed tree) is vastly different from the pleasure of the wayward children. It is a joy beyond rejection and loneliness; yes, even beyond affirmation and community. It is the joy of a father that takes its name from the heavenly Father and partakes in his divine solitude. (It is the joy of having the kingdom expand through the roots, trunk, and branches of your life and allowing God to live His life through your life). It does not surprise me at all that few people claim fatherhood for themselves. The pains are too obvious, the joys too hidden. And still, by not claiming it I shirk my responsibility as a spiritually adult person...A voice says me me, "Don't be afraid. The Child will take you by the hand and lead you to fatherhood. I know that voice can be trusted. As always, the poor, the weak, the marginal, the rejected, the forgotten, the least...they not only need me to be their father, but also show me how to be a father for them. True fatherhood is sharing the poverty of God's non-demanding love...they all wonder whether they are worthy of the unconditional love of God, and they all search for the place where they can safely return and be touched by hands that bless them."
p 138-139

Now more than ever before I am trusting in God's goodness. God is the one who will deal with all our weakness. He is the one who grows us into being spiritual adults. He can be trusted to produce growth: branches sturdy enough for others and growth enough that our life will match His life in welcoming home all who need a place to find rest and restoration.

Heros

A little girl was having trouble sleeping. She asked her mom to come and be with her in her room that night so that she could fall asleep. Following the little girl back to her room in reluctanct compliance to the request, the mom said "don't you know that Jesus is always with you?" "Yes, mommy, I know that, but tonight I think I also need someone with skin on." she replied.

It is a simple truth that sometimes we need other human beings to show us how present God is among us. This why God became flesh and blood and moved into our neighborhood called time and space. Jesus was born in a stable surrounded by the most common creatures on earth. His skin was baby soft and I am sure he cried. His mother Mary had said "do this according to your word," and like most of us committed to a fantastic task knowing very little about what she was really committing to do.

I love to read the gospels because there I see my favorite hero. He did have skin then and with that skin he did such things as healing the blind, touching the leper, looking deep into the eyes of women who had been cast out from society for no real reason. His compassion reaches us at our worst, offers us a hand, and puts us back on our feet again. Jesus is my favorite hero because he also teaches us about the constant availability of God. He was Immanuel, God with us, and made it possible for us to have the abiding presence of God with us every single day. I really do want to live each day with God's abiding presence. I need Him.

I also need other people around me that help me discover what it looks like to take God's abiding presence with me each day. Here are a few people who have showed me in flesh and blood what this looks like. Diana Fessler, Bette Keach, and Rev. Brooks Ambose from Bethel UMC in Moriarty, NM. Bette was my Sunday School teacher when I was in 5th grade. She loved Jesus and loved God's word. She also loved me and at the time I thought she loved me in a special way but come to think of it, she was the kind of person who made all the people in her life feel special. She inspired me to really dig down deep in the word and find my everything in Jesus. I loved her so much and it made me so sad when as a freshmen in college I heard that she had cancer and was going to die. I went home just to say good bye to her. She and I cried together and we prayed. She had peace in life's most challenging moments. I knew that Jesus was holding her tight as she passed from this life to the next. Diana Fessler was a young woman when she volunteered to help with our youth group when I was in the 6th grade. She was easy to talk to and always gave me excellent direction especially when I was wanting to go my own way and not listen to the wisdom of my mother. She was cool and a good example to me in my early teen years. Rev. Brooks Ambose was the pastor at Bethel during my growing up years. He was retired from the military, a second career, just out of seminary new pastor when he came to us. None of this was important to me as a young person. I didn't realize that he was inexperienced at being a pastor. I thought he was perhaps the most wise teacher and preacher ever. All I knew was that he loved Jesus and that he really wanted all of us to love Jesus also. He really believed in the spiritual disciplines and holiness of heart and life. He was a real Wesleyan. His laugh and smile are unforgettable. More than a few times, he came to our house and took a genuine caring interest in our family. We could call him in the middle of the night if we needed to be reassured that there were some people around living in that abiding divine presence with skin on.

I bless God for giving us all examples of life in the Kingdom of God. We are not left alone. We always have heros of the faith who have gone before us....even in their imperfection (the subject of my next blog), they show us that God is truly good and available to each of us everyday if we will simply welcome Him to be. We are all given the humbling and awesome task of bringing God-with-us to others.

Tamberitzen or Not, part 2 of Crazy Fun Saturday

It was around 1:30 in the afternoon when we completed that project and on the drive home from there, we left a message for the Family Service Day coordinator. I said, "wanted you to know that we finished over there and had a really great time. Thanks for letting us do it. Let us know if there is anything else that needs done."

Not two minutes after we arrive at home, we get a call back from her saying that the message that I just left her made her day. (I love to make people's day. It was such a small thing. But, it was a blessing to me to be able to help and I simply just passed it along to her) She said that there were two more projects that needed done and wondered if we would be willing to do either of them. So, we agreed, got the name, address, phone number of a person who needed their yard raked. We called and left the house about 5 minutes later.

There was a lot of raking to be done. We were almost done raking and realized that it was about 4 and we had to meet our friends to go to Granite City and see the Eastern European dance troupe called "Tamberitzen." Just then, a huge SUV parks in front of the house and the coordinator of Family Service Day gets out and 6 junior highers follow with rakes in their hands. We left the final few minutes of raking to them.

Will and I hustled home as we have been planning this Tamberitzen night out with our friends Sarah and Ron since June. We made quick time at cleaning up and making ourselves look ready to go out. Sarah was kind enough to drive and we enjoyed catching up with them on the way to Granite City about an hour drive away.

Sarah recommended a few options in the area for dinner and we settled on a Japanese place pretty close to where we were headed. I have only eaten Japanese a couple of times and not very recent, so we were like little kids who have never eaten out before. Will took careful examination of the sushi menu. Finally, he opted for four rolls: teriake chicken, avocado, fried shrimp, and crab stick. We watched the woman make it and it was so fascinating. The finished product was so beautiful. I told her that she really was an artist. Hopefully I will put a picture of it here so that you can admire it also. I ordered a spicy pork dish that was perfectly spicy and very tasty. What a treat!

We speed out of there and arrive at Granite City High School, the location of the Tamberitzen performance and the parking lot was bare. None of the lights in the school were on. We walked around the entire school....three enormous buildings....checking every single door. We had no idea what was up?! Sarah was a bit aggravated. We really wanted to see the Tamberitzen but were so thrilled by our dining experience that it was almost impossible to be aggravated. Another car pulled up and we talked to them, seeing if they knew anything. Finally, Sarah called her dad who gave us another lady's telephone number. Turns out, six of the Tamberitzens got the H1N1 virus. The performance was cancelled. BOOOO!

We wondered the city, Borders, coffee, ice cream, an altogether wonderful day!

I did not have one moment to sit and relax...not one moment to be lazy. It was nothing at all what we expected or planned, however it was so much better.

Crazy Fun Saturday

Friday night I was very tired. One day last week, I did 9 presentations in one day! That is a busy day! Because I was so tired, I told Will that I wanted to just be lazy on Saturday. Originally we had intented to volunteer for the church's Family Service Day. We hadn't received any kind of information about it so we figured that there were more people volunteering than needed work done.

After sleeping in on Saturday morning, we drank coffee, lots of coffee! I decided to make Almond Meal pancakes. They turned out awesome. Will takes over and somehow they look beautiful! While we are eating, he is trying to convince me to accompany him in organizing our storage unit. (this didn't sound like relaxation) But after those amazing pancakes, I was motivated to go to our storage unit. We moved about 2/3's of the stuff out, sorted some stuff, found the Christmas decorations, the fuzzy socks, and some odd sports memorabilia items that Will thinks he might sell. All of this took about an hour and a half.

We were driving back to our house when the coordinator of the Family Service Day called us and asked if we were still willing to help. Apparently, we were sent an e-mail giving us details about jobs that we had been given. Cyber-monster have been eating a lot of messages lately. She told us the details: a lady need a little bit of painting done and her gutters cleaned out. No problem! We went and enjoyed her company, stories of her husband's recent death and her coping by fixing up the house. She has a cute house and an adorable dog.


TBC...."Tamberitzen" part two of crazy fun Saturday

Finding what is precious

"Only the heart knows how to find what is precious." Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Like this excerpt from a rural newspaper in our area: (names and such purposefully omitted to protect their identity)

"On October 12, the children were out of school for Columbus Day, so Grandpa Bob decided to take some of his grandchildren on a little adventure to the woods. He wanted them to see what it was like to eat when he would go on his hunting trips. They took some freeze-dried meals, water, and lemonade packets. They found a big log to settle down on and fix lunch. After lunch they took a walk in the creek. The group enjoyed the meal, finding frogs, caterpillars, and turtle shell, turkey feathers, and deer tracks...Grandpa Bob plans to take the rest of the kids at a later date."

God's Abundant Goodness

A few days ago, I was having a bad day. There wasn't anything catastrophic happening, just a million small irritations. All the while I have been memorizing and meditating on Psalm 145. It is full of fantastic praising, thanking, and blessing God for who He is and what He does. (BTW...it is hard to memorize, but worth the effort, I believe!)

"One generation shal laud your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. On the glorious splendour of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. The might of your awesome deeds shall be proclaimed, and I will declare your greatness. They shall celebrate the fame of your abundant goodness, and shall sing aloud of your righteousness. The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and His compassion is over all that he has made."

I carry the scripture that I am memorizing/meditating with me on big sticky notes. On this particular day, during a half hour break I had I sat down on a bench and read over it. I then began making a list of all the ways that God has worked in my life recently and all the goodness that He has showed me. Overwhelming!!!

Along with the exercise, the words of Dallas Willard came to me as he was speaking to us about "counting our blessings," he made one of those most insightful comments about nature and what a gift it was from God to us. He said "how can you be grumpy when looking at a beautiful rose." The rest of my day, I looked at life much differently. My physical body was still not brimming with energy, but my spirit was lifted and I was able to celebrate with all "those" who have eyes to see God's abundant goodness.

Here is just a sampling from my list: You cannot be grumpy when.....

you look at autum leaves

you hear children laughing

you remember that ten people showed up to help you move

you listen to your favorite song

you watch your dogs tail wag as she sees you coming home

I'm sure you have your own list. If you don't, maybe you should;)

"Laziness" or lack of intention

Thank you Deanna for saying that our fear about accepting our dominion is laziness. Yes, I think that this is so. We are afraid, overwhelmed, guilty, and stuck.

Getting unstuck is quiet the challenge. It is only for those who are willing to hear the words of Jesus and allow them to sink deep into their hearts. It means giving our whole realm of influence over to His kingdom.

Jesus gives us everything we need to live with Him as our king. He gives us a new identity as his holy and beloved children (Colossians 3:11). He gives us His living, breathing presence to guide and direct, and teach us (John 14:26). He gives us His peace and His promise to never leave us (John 14:27-15:11). He has created us to enjoy such a life.

Jesus is giving us everything! The ball is now in our court. We have to decide that we want to be unstuck and grab His hand so that he can pull us out of our mud. Reaching for His hand and grabbing hold takes trust and surrender. It is not easy, yet it is easy. If we intend to really trust then it is easy. Yet, so many seem to say that they want Jesus' hand, but they really don't intend to take it. They think that they can have just a little help while remaining in their mud. Jesus and the life that he offers doesn't appear to work that way. Unless you really intend to follow, you won't.

"On all the wooing love of God falls urgently, persuadingly. But he who, having will, yields to the loving urgency of that Life which knocks at his heart, is entered and possessed and transformed and transfigured. The scales fall from his eyes when he is give to eat of the tree of knowledge, the fruit of which is needed for the healing of nations, and he knows himself and his fellows as comrades in Eden, where God walks with them in the cool of the day." (Thomas Kelly, A Testament of Devotion, p. 57)

The loving urgency of Jesus...what else could be want? Some days I want it a whole lot more than others. Some days I think I'm just lazy. Other days I think I might be doing fairly well at bringing good about in my little kingdom.

Joseph as an example

I immediately think about Joseph when considering good examples of persons who do their work "unto" the Lord. Read the story of Joseph in Genesis chapters 37, 39, 40-46. Consider the story of Joseph and how he "reigned" in his kingdom. Consider how much good came from his life as he lived it in light of what God wanted. Consider how often he could have chosen a quiet different path and the natural consequences of that.

From the Message, Genesis 45:4-8 "Come closer to me," Joseph said to his brothers. They came closer. "I am Joseph your brother whom you sold into Egypt. But don't feel badly, don't blame yourselves for selling me. God was behind it. God sent me here ahead of you to save lives. There has been a famine in the land now for two years; the famine will continue for five more years—neither plowing nor harvesting. God sent me on ahead to pave the way and make sure there was a remnant in the land, to save your lives in an amazing act of deliverance. So you see, it wasn't you who sent me here but God. He set me in place as a father to Pharaoh, put me in charge of his personal affairs, and made me ruler of all Egypt.

Our Work Offered Unto God

Yesterday and today were very busy and stressful days at work. I had to leave at
6:45 a.m. on Tuesday after arriving back at home on Monday night around 10 p.m. WOW!! I was so tired last evening that I sat in the chair and rested/napped from 4 to 5. Last night I had to prepare stuff for today's presentations. I presented "Internet Safety" to 7th graders and had never done this particular presentation before, so I had to work some last night. My presentations went well today and I really do hope that these teens will make good decisions regarding what they do on-line. To say the least, it has been a very stressful "re-entry" into the day to day here.

I'm very grateful for this new assurance in my heart that wherever I go God goes with me. Today, I was, as they say "burning grace!" I was pulling fuel like a 737 (which of course I just in 2 of those on Monday) It is amazing to me and so refreshing that especially when I am pushed to the max, I can rely on a source of power that never runs out.

Public schools may be built with public funding, but when I enter those doors the Kingdom of God enters with me! I love this!!! I pray as I enter every school. I ask God: "God, what is it that you and I will do together here today? Show me, I am ready to see."

Here is a little William Law for your edification: "As a good Christian should consider every place as holy because God is there, so he should look upon every part of his life as a matter of holiness because it is to be offered to God. The profession of a clergyman is a holy profession because it is a ministration in holy things, an attendance at the altar. But worldly business is to be made holy unto the lord by being done as a service to Him and in conformity to His divine will."
(chapter 4, in "A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life.")

Genesis 1:26

"Then God said, 'Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth."

Each of us has a sphere of influence, a few areas of life where we have some sort of say in what happens and what does not happen. You could say that we have dominion. Dallas Willard would say that each of us has our own little kingdom. During one moment during our times with him last week, he said that he often asked people: "How are you doing with your kingdom?"

Our kingdom really only functions properly when we subject our kingdom to the Kingdom of God which is introduced by Jesus.

I once preached a few sermons about stewardship, using stewarding as the main verb. The core concept was having dominion. I put it to people like this: How are you doing at stewarding your relationships? How are you doing at stewarding your work? How are you doing at stewarding your possessions? and How are you doing at stewarding your money?

Now, as I look over my life and wonder how I have been doing with my kingdom....have I been exercising my own creative abilities in my realm of influence....have I given over reign of "my kingdom" to God's kingdom? Am I ready to see God's glory in my places of influence? With the hundreds of kids and teens I speak to everyday? Within my marriage? The gym where I sweat? The church that I attend?

Another thing that I have been wondering is: why do we shy away from this notion that we have dominion? Why does it cause a little uneasiness? It is such a significant Biblical concept! What are we so afraid of? (These really are not rhetorical questions....you can comment)

Odd Jobs

I hear a little old guy talking and as I look up from where I am seated on the floor, I smile and adjust my focus onto him. "You must have a really important job," he said. I kind of chuckeled cause I was litterally on the floor and typically jobs that require rolling around on the floor are not considered all that important. "Yesterday, you were working on that isle over there and today you are on this isle," he continued. "Thought I would stop by and say hi."

Besides making me smile and laugh, the man validated this work that I have been doing. I do not necessarily need validating, but it is very nice when it comes.

Over the last few months I have occupied my time with many jobs (both paid and volunteer): removing wood trim off front porch pillars, planting flowers and container gardening, updating the community resource book for Jubilee House, answering the crisis hotline for victims of sexual assualt, cat sitting, substitute Sunday School teaching, administration and communications for Gateway Conference's Leadership Summit, filling the pulpit, and doing merchandizing work at lots of (some near and some far away) small town pharmacies.

Over the last three weeks, my merchandizing job has kept me particularly busy. This month we have been working a very large catagory in each pharmacy. What had been four or six hour visits to each store grew to ten to fifteen hours in each store this month. I'm very grateful for the work and enjoy it for the most part. Overhearing conversations and observing behavior is sort of like doing an informal study on rural culture.

My mind and attitude are shifting a bit. This work may or may not be all that important, but being who I am in the presence of lots of different people is important. Even crawling around a pharmacy floor, cleaning shelves, organizing products, pricing them and visiting with people....could this be a way to carry out my vocation?

Perhaps you could say that the Lord has been convicting me about the subtle ways past and present that I de-value run of the mill "work." I have unintentionally adopted this idea that working in a church, doing some sort of officially sanctioned ministry is a higher form of serving the Lord than all other jobs. Please excuse me for being wrong!!!

The litmus test of all work, whether it be "secular" or "sacred" is whether we do the work intentionally to serve God. The "what" of the work is not as important as the "how" of the work is.

A scripture to meditate on: "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

Vocation or Vacation

Two weeks ago when Will and I were in Lansing, MI, we went to see the Lansing Lugnuts play ball. It is a gorgeous stadium and we were able to park, walk to a wonderful restaurant recommended by Bruce Cromwell. The old train depot was converted into a restaurant called "Clara's". The food was very good and our server was fantastic, not to mention that we were seated up a steep flight of stairs and every time we asked for a beverage refill, he would have to run the stairs. He was in excellent physical condition, clearly, because he was never panting or sweating and remained very cheery through our whole visit.

At the ball game, we found our seats very near the foul post on the first base side of the ball park. Good seats. As we watched the game, I couldn't help but notice that the whole bunch of people around us acted like they knew one another. It was very puzzling! Perhaps we had gotten put in with a group from some kids summer program or a family reunion, I thought.

Soon enough it would become clear what was going on. The announcer was announcing all the special groups that were at the game that night. He said, "we welcome the Knights of Columbus as they come here to support vacations." WOW!!! I didn't know that the Knights of Columbus took such a firm stance in favor of vacations. Myself being very fond of vacations, I thought, oh, how wonderful!! But the reaction of those around me which included a priest was not so pleasant. They said "I cannot believe that he said supporting vacations and not vocations." The lady right next to me said "he cannot even pronounce our bishops name, what is wrong with him?!"

It so happens that we had picked to go to a lugnuts game on the night when the Knights of Columbus was promoting their year long campaign "Year of the Priest." There were tons of priests at the game and at one point, the announcers said, now everybody stand as the "sisters and seminarians" throw out free t-shirts donated by the Knights of Columbus. I stood and yelled my loudest in order to get a t-shirt. I was not successful, though constantly thinking how cool it would be to belted in the head with a t-shirt thrown by a sister with a good arm. I also had the urge to engage one of these priests or seminarians in some theological conversation but I was not able to find one that was not already engaged in some conversation. There was a table with all sorts of literature about the Roman Catholic Church. There was also a booth that seemed to be promoting the priesthood. (Perhaps you should visit the web site of Knights of Columbus and see all of this for yourself at www.kofc.org) I found it odd that they would present it in the same fashion the folks from mastercard do...."come here and see how you can get this thing for free."

As this has been one of the questions that has been bouncing around in my mind over the last few months: "What is vocation?" "Are those who are called to full-time Christian service the ones who have a vocation?" or is it as Dallas Willard once said: "All of us who have heard Jesus invitation to follow and have accepted have simply one vocation: following Jesus!!" He also advocates for those who are occupied doing another job along with doing some sort of ministry should not be called "bi-vocational" rather "tent-makers." What is the meaning of vocation? And does it have any similarity to the other word that so easily swapped with it: "vacation?"

Hiking the "Little Grand Canyon"

A few weeks ago, Will and I didn't have anything scheduled one Saturday so I decided that we would go hiking. We have had this book "Fifty Nature Walks of South Illinois" and had yet to go on any of them. As you may know, I have been getting in excellent shape and wanted to pick something that would be a bit challenging.

We gathered up stuff for lunch and lots of drinks. Basil was outfitted with leash and I attached her treat bag to my pocket. We left home around 8am and traveled south on SH 127 through Murphysboro. We followed the direction in the book and after only a couple minutes of confusion, we arrived at the trail head.

Here is what the copy from wildernet says about the hike: "A 3.6-mile loop trail that has drastic changes in elevation – from 350 to 700 feet at the trail head. In one ¼-mile section the trail rises 300 to 400 feet. The trail follows rocky creek beds, winds next to sheer, majestic bluffs. From the higher elevations there are panoramic views of the canyon, the Big Muddy River bottoms and Fountain Bluff. Interpretive signs explain the geological history."

The part that this copy leaves out is the devastating affect that the inland hurricane of May 5th had on this area. The trail was blocked with down trees. Some trees were not merely down, they had been uprooted. These were large, perhaps 150 year old, 8" in diameter trees. It was sad to see. And it also put us in a sticky situation. After descending the mossy rock creek beds to get to the bottom of the canyon, it seemed most desirable to actually complete the trail verses going back up those mossy rocks.

Basil did absolutely marvelous and constantly wanted to go under down trees instead of over them as her human parents preferred. We navigated through the woods, off the trail, walking along the rock bluffs, and rejoined the trail. We left the trail and rejoined it several times!

A couple of amazing things happened that day. We made it out alive!!!! The other amazing element came in the form of a person: Dan, the plant man. There was a moment when we were first realizing that we were in serious trouble, he suddenly appeared. During our conversation with him, we find out that he is a professor at a university nearby and that his specialty is ferns. Not only that, but he has lead dozens of groups of students on this hike throughout the years. He knows these woods. He helps us get through and then he disappears. No joke, we look up at one point and he is gone. It was very weird! As we were reporting the story to another couple who asked "where our friend went." Will responded, "well he might have been an angel or a ghost because he just disappeared."

We had a great day! The following Sunday, I told part of the story as a sermon illustration (YES, I filled the pulpit and I will blog more about this later). Exiting church, there was a man who grew up very near the little grand canyon and he was very familiar with it. He said: "WOW, you picked that trail as your first from that book and that is probably the most challenging!"

Sitting together at the feet of the Master

One of the "masters" that I have recently had the pleasure of sitting with is Eugene Peterson. He is humble and kind and yet very passionate about pointing to THE MASTER, Jesus. One of the wonderful things he said during our conversation after breakfast was: "schism is the enemy of the church" (He actually said that the reformers such as Calvin and Luther did some stuff right and yet they did a lot of harm to the church as well)

While reading the words of Wesley, I again come upon a great exhortation to the church to stop bickering and set aside petty differences for the sake of the Master. (Notes, paragraph 9 p.5) "Would to God that all the party names, and unscriptural phrases and forms, which have divided the Christian world, were forgot; and that we might agree to sit down together, as humble, loving disciples, at the feet of our common Master, to hear his word, to imbibe his Spirit, and to transcribe his life in our own"

"An Earnest Appeal to Men of Reason and Religion" from the Works of John Wesley (1743)

A skeptic inquires of John Wesley

He asks: "I hear....you preach to a great number of people every night and morning. Pray, what would you do with them? Whither would you lead them? What religion do you preach? What is it good for?"

Wesley replied: "I do preach to as mny as desire to hear every night and morning.

You ask what I would do with them: I would make them virtuous and happy, easy in themselves and useful to others.

Wither would I lead them? To heaven; to God the judge, the lover of all, and to Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant.

What religion do I preach? The religion of love; the law of kindness brought to light by the Gospel.

What is it good for? To make all who receive it enjoy God and themselves: to make them like God; lovers of all; content in their lives; and crying out at their death, in calm assurance 'O grave, where is thy victory! Thanks be unto God, who giveth me the victory, through my Lord Jesus Christ."

Renovare Institute for Christian Spiritual Formation

This October I will begin what Renovare is calling "a two-year experience of becoming like Jesus." As much as this sort of thing might be "programmed," it will include four one week intensive learning times over the span of two years in Menlo Park, CA. Among the teachers are: Dallas Willard, Todd Hunter, John Ortberg, Trevor Hudson, and Emilie Griffin.

The term "spiritual formation" has become sort of in vogue. It is often stripped from the context of "Christ-Focused" and used generically for the spiritual quest of human beings. Yet, at the core, we know that there is no real formation or transformation outside the way of Jesus. We do not follow some generic, vague spiritual quest. We follow Jesus. Jesus, as we discover in the Gospels, lived a very specific and human life. He also emptied himself for us. When we follow Jesus, we trust that His life will be planted in us and grow.

There is nothing that could be better than becoming like Jesus. This kind of language should not seem strange to those who are familiar with John Wesley. Holiness is defined as love of God and love of others. This is the life that we are created for, this is the reason for Jesus life and death, being transformed from the inside-out!

I'm going to put all the "God-talk" on pause and get real with you. I am currently not appointed to a church. After fourteen years of ministry, I found myself run down, frustrated, and very disappointed with the current state of church. Not only that, but I was frustrated with myself as a follower of Jesus and as a pastor. Though some would automatically assume that by me saying this, I am saying that I suffered some sort of "moral" failure or that I was burnt out. Neither of these are true.

I simply realized that I didn't seem to be able to lead a church without losing my own soul. I'm not exactly sure why it is, it just is! It may only be temporary and yet, it may not be. I'm not sure if/when I will return to functioning as a pastor. There are moments when this makes me incredibly sad. Yet, one thing I am very sure of is that I want, more intensely than ever before, to follow Jesus. I want to listen to His voice, to be transformed by Him into His likeness, to love Him more and to love others better.

It is not as though I think that some program is going to "magically" make me like Jesus. That would be unrealistic and perhaps idolatry. There are no formulas for things of the soul. There are no quick fixes or syrupy concoctions to take. There is not a pill you can buy at your local pharmacy or book you can purchase at your local Christian bookstore. There is simply a way that you choose to follow, like putting one foot in front of the other, with the coaching and strength of the One (Jesus) who leads and also stands beside you, and breaths His breath into your lungs.

I hope and trust that those who read my blog are praying for me. You are trusted friends and I do intend to post some-what regularly here as I engage in this institute. Check out www.renovare.us

"It aint all Preachin' and Prayin'"

A Tribute to Rev. Robert Thomson

I received news via the TCU Magazine that one of my beloved mentors/pastors/friends died. Rev. Robert Thomson pastored Hemphill Presbyterian Church for almost 10 years, even as he was in his 80's. The story as I heard it was that the powers that be couldn't find a pastor who wanted to serve a church in the urban core with an aging and declining membership. So, he entered the ministry out of retirement and served well there for many years. This is where (and when) we met. I responded to an add on the bulletin board at Brite Divinity School. It was a "bright" (excuse the pun) pink or green color with the bold title "urban missionary needed!" I immediately felt drawn to it and only a few days later was meeting with Pastor Bob and a couple others from Hemphill around a table. I told them of my passion for reaching urban people and my previous experience in the ministry. Pastor Bob was so precious, walking with a cane, sweet and soft spoken at times, but when he got "fire in his belly" either regarding revitalizing the church or the Word of God, he would turn beet red. His big hands would make big gestures while preaching. He really believed that following Jesus was costly and preached that. As a hotty seminarian I remember thinking that he preached the Matthew 16:13-26 way too much. Looking back, of coarse, I realize how stupid I was. Pastor Bob had it right. The essence of the Gospel is following Jesus (just as Pastor Bob did), denying oneself, taking up the cross! "For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it!" That is what Jesus said. In that firey Pastor Bob way, I can still hear this text ringing in my ears.

Pastor Bob was also a student at Brite at this time. At age 85, he earned a D.Min. in preaching. His passion, his focus, his compassion inspired everyone! Including me. He thought that it would be cool to be preaching when he died. To my knowledge this is not how he went, but on October 5, 2008, he died. I will miss him and appreciate more than words can express his love for his Lord and the church.

Pastor Bob was my supervisor and I know that at time I must have stressed him out. At times he and I butted heads and battled a number of times. Now, looking back, I am grateful that he didn't smack me upside the head a couple times. He was so gracious and knew that the church was a place to give and forgive, an organism that all at once desperately needed to change and desperately resisted change, a living, breathing people of God who could love one another even in the midst of strife. Even in our own push and pull, we remained friends.

One final thought, as we met over breakfast and coffee at the Paris Cafe in Ft. Worth (usually with Mike Cooley also), we would discuss life, the church, ministry within it. He used to love to say, "oh well, Roberta, it ain't all preachin' and prayin'" It's true. Ministry in the church is NOT all preachin and prayin.

He was a beloved mentor/pastor/friend. So, I am lifting my coffee cup to you, Pastor Bob, in this tribute. The pleasure was all mine.

(**excuse the picture also, cause it is fuzzy. It is a picture of a picture from ten years ago**)

Psalm 4

"Answer me when I call, O God of my right!
You gave me room when I was in distress.
Be gracious to me, and hear my prayer.

How long, you people, shall my honour suffer shame?
How long will you love vain works and seek after lies?
But know that the Lord has set apart the fiathful for himself;
the Lord hears when I call to him.

When you are disturbed, do not sin;
Ponder it on your beds, and be silent.
Offer right sacrifices,
And put your turst in the Lord.

There are many who say, 'O that we might see some good!'
Let the light of your face shin on us, O Lord'

You have put gladness in my heart
more than when their grains and wine abound.

I will both lie down and sleep in peace; for you alone, O Lord,
make me lie down in safety."

**Questions to ponder**

Is it easier, more natural or understandable to sin when you are disturbed?

This Psalm has both singular and plural pronouns, meaning that it was writen to be used in public worship and in private/family devotional times. Think about a time when a group of people (corporate) suffered shame? Think about a time when you personally or your family undwent something "shameful." Did this experience drive you into the arms of God?

It is natural for us to try to make sense out of our tragedies. It was no different for the one who wrote this Psalm. William Willimon says that this question "what is God doing in this situation" is what we are taught to ask as Christians and it is generally what we should ask (God) ourselves. Yet, sometimes there is no good answer to the great "WHY" question.

Is there comfort in this Psalm for those unanswered WHY questions? What does the Psalmist do with those questions?

A couple thoughts about my trip to New Mexico

Being with my mom after her surgery was very interesting. The nurse in the post-op room told her directly, "YOU are not the boss!!" Pointing to me she says, "SHE is the boss!!" The jolt of happiness that ran through my blood is yet another piece of evidence proving that I prefer being in control. As I have mentioned here before, I am a recovering control freak...at least I know I have a problem!?

My mom hated that I was the boss and she is such a control freak that she would often catch herself in the middle of a bossy comment and say "yeah, I know I'm telling you what to do and you are suppose to be the boss, but I'm used to being the boss." I would also frequently catch her doing something that was off limits or highly questionable without supervision and she would get that look on her face like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. It was at times very annoying and delightful. I was very patient most of time and only had a few moments when I thought I might crack.

Her shoulder is fine. The surgeon was not able to repair her tendon around the rotator cuff like he had hoped cause it was too far gone. He cleaned up a lot of scar tissue and filed down a bone spur. She is very dedicated to recovering and is doing her physical therapy religiously. For those of you who were praying for her, THANKS!!!!

Along the way, I did finish 3 more books. I am reconsidering the goal of 90 books. I wanted to challenge myself and yet, I might have shot the moon. I may re-adjust the goal to be 90- 100 page books. For instance, the book that I most recently completed is not a thin, just for fun read, John Stott's Incomparable Christ (250 pages). It is just simply not right to commit to reading 90 such books. I could also adapt it to reading only children's books, but that would altogether defeat the purpose of this that being a challenge and enjoyable all at the same time. So, if you have any objection about me adjusting my count accordingly, please write me a comment and I will take it under advisement.

Trip to New Mexico

On Wednesday, April 1 (yes, April Fools Day) I will be going to ABQ, New Mexico to be with my mom after she has surgery. She is having her rotator cuff replaced and will not be able to drive and will need some tending as she recovers. I'm looking forward to this time with her and with the rest of my family. My brother Bill just bought a Harley-Davidson, so maybe he will take me for a ride. His son, my nefew Tristan will be celebrating his 7th birthday while I am there. On Friday, April 10 (opening day for the Royals-against the Yankees-what is that about) is also Good Friday and not having my whole life centered around the suffering and death (and the church's re-enacting and embodying)of Jesus seems odd. I think that my sister Becky is getting us tickets to see the Alb. Isotopes. Then on Saturday I will take a plane to OKC and meet Will. We will celebrate Easter with his family in OKC. I've very excited about all of this. It will be good to get away and enjoy family.

90 books in 2009

A Japanese paraphrase of the 23rd Psalm

The Lord is my pace-setter, I shall not rush
He makes me stop and rest for quiet intervals;
He provides me with images of stillness,
Which restore my serenity.
He leasds me in the way of efficiency
through calmness of mind and His guidance is peace.
Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day.
I will not fret
For His presence is here
His timelessness, His all-importance will keep me in balance.
He prepares refreshment, His all-importance will keep me in balance.
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of activity
by annointing my mind with His oils of tranquility.
My cup of joyous energy overflows.
Surely harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruits of my hours.
I shall walk in the pace of our Lord and dwell in His house forever.

A Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or FESTER like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or CRUST and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

Is being angry a sin?

You may remember a family member or parent with a raised hand, a clinched fist, a slammed door, crossing arms, flaring nostrils, a cutting remark, or a blank stare. These are destructive expressions of anger. These may cause a knee-jerk answer “yes” to the question: “is being angry a sin?” Without pausing to really consider it, we may automatically assume that anger is a sin. Anger caused all of this destruction and therefore, it must be a sin. Anger destroys relationships, marriages, families, churches and communities.

This is all very natural to think and feel, yet it is only partly true. Anger is a normal response. It is an emotional response to something that seems to threaten us. A switch is flipped inside of us alerting us to some danger. It is a sign that something is wrong.

A friend of mine tells a story about becoming angry with interruptions. He is a writer and just as he gets into the rhythm of his writing, inevitably the phone rings and it is a telemarketer. This phone call flips a switch inside him. He becomes angry. There are a number of reasons that this phone call could cause anger. Perhaps, he sees it as a threat because he is anxious about his writing, insecure, scared of failure, and the constant interruptions remind him of the question that taunts him: “what will happen if this book is not a success?”

Anger is understandable and natural. It is really all right to be angry. Scripture makes it clear that even God gets angry. Jesus was angry more than a few times. Perhaps, the most familiar incident was when he overturned the tables in the courts of the temple.

Being angry is not a sin; yet staying angry is a sin. Scripture calls this bitterness or resentment. Being angry is not a sin, yet, destroying relationships through words and actions is sin. Being angry is not a sin, but succumbing to fits of rage is a sin. Scripture calls this being quick-tempered or lacking self-control.

In Ephesians 4:26-27 it says (The Message): “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.”

In fact, there are so many things that should make us angry: abandoned and abused children, corporate executives that beg for bailout money while flying around the country in private jets, untrue slander spoken about a friend, receiving notice that you will no longer have a job, vandalism, rape, poverty. We should all be angry about these social ills that threaten our community. We should be angry and that anger should fuel us with courage to speak up, to advocate for others, to offer a helping hand or a listening ear to those who are affected.

The next time you feel anger well up inside of you, prayerful ask God to help you figure out who, what, how it happened. Consider whether the threat real or imagined. Consider a good and appropriate response. Consider how you can cope with and express your anger as to help and not destroy other people.


(this is my article for the Ministers Forum, Leader Union, to be published this Wednesday, March 4)

One of the best sources on this subject is "The Angry Christian" by Andrew D. Lester. He is an American Baptist and former professor of Pastoral Care at Brite Divinity School. Check out my "library thing" on the side of my blog for copyright info.

Another question to follow up on the topic: how does someone in my position write about the constructive and destructive expressions of anger and not appear "angry?" I would love to hear comments about whether I seemed angry in this article. I am craving constructive critisism, so please, whatever you got, share!

How the "Others" live?

Our sister trip was so much fun. Becky and I both flew to Phoenix where we rented a car and immediately drove to San Diego, CA. The first night we stayed at Mission Bay Hyatt and we were absolutely speechless at the view and our little balcony that let us enjoy our morning coffee out in the cool air. (by the way, the Starbucks coffee was delivered to our room) The fitness center was awesome, looking out at the ocean. Boats were docked there and it made me wonder what it was like to actually live life like this all the time. I wondered if the folks that enjoyed this view day in and day out get so used to it that the beauty was not really enjoyed. Do they ever get to the point where they do not pause, inhale the cool ocean air, and appreciate the enourmous beauty that is right at their fingur tips?

We couldn't have imagined how georgous the room or the view of the ocean could be more beautiful, but our second night was spent downtown San Diego near the convention center at the Manchester Grand Hyatt. WOW!!! I have never seen, much less stayed in such a place. It was straight out of "lifestyles of the rich and famous!!!" But it was not happening to them, now, it was happening to us. And who are we, but a couple poor girls from New Mexico, who grew up in a double wide trailor and were convinced that we had it pretty well. This dinning room was part of our suite, we had wine and cheese delivered to our room, we had three restroom, marble floors, all we could drink Starbucks coffee, and our suite allowed us three different views of the bay, ocean, water, downtown!





While visiting a resort in Scottsdale, AZ, my sister, a friend and I made reservations at Rosie's. It was a casual, yet beautifully decorated establishment. A hostess welcomed us and showed us to our table. We were greeted by several hospitable servers. Each of them seemed to take extra time engaging us in conversation and asking us how they could serve us. For instance, we ordered guacamole (table side) and a young man named Jim introduced himself and showed us all the makings for guacamole. He was charming and polite. We laughed together and talked as he made guacamole at our table. Another server approached and said, "Jim, they may want to eat their guacamole before next year. Let me show you how this is done since obviously you are more interested in talking than in getting their appitizer done." So he also engaged us in conversation and challenged us to try habenero peppers since we had commented that we really liked spicy food. Both of the servers worked together and Jim didn't seem to mind the humor and help of the other server. We were enjoying our experience so much that another one of the servers came and joined us for a laugh. The servers went over and beyond the call of duty and their attitude and work made this dinner an extra special experience. The food was excellent and the overall experience would be hard to top.

A Hymn by by John Whittier

O Sabbath rest of Galilee!
O calm of hills above,
Where Jesus knelt to share with thee
The silence of eternity
Interpreted with love.
Drop your still dews of quietness
Till all our strivings ease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
They beauty of your peace.

Valley View Inn, New Bedford, Ohio

About six years ago, I became acquainted with a wonderful thing called Pastors Retreat Network. I was desperately desiring some rest and renewal. It was not a vacation that I needed or just a few days away from the demands of ministry. I was tired, but more than anything I wanted to spend time with God. Through a friend or two who had told me about PRN, I went to the website (www.pastorsretreatnetwork.org) and discovered what almost seemed too good to be true. They actually provide a five day retreat for full-time pastors....FREE! The accommodations, food and hospitality are top notch. The two that I have been to: Valley View Inn in Ohio and Cedarly in Wisconsin are surrounded with such natural beauty that spending time outdoors *even in the winter* is a must.

Here is a little bit of what the website says:

But one thing is more important still—maintaining a right relationship with God.

Our five-day retreats are designed to help you do just that.

The experience will profoundly affect your life and ministry—by changing your heart and helping you regain your perspective.

Imagine the renewal and refreshment you will gain as you:

Rest, without having to keep an eye on the clock
Spend time in prayer and Scripture reading
Take a walk and let God speak to you
Enjoy a meal with your hosts and fellow retreat guests
Read a good book
Nap, talk, play, meditate, or simply enjoy the view
Contemplate, journal or discuss the day’s experiences
Enjoy a “date” with your spouse
Grab a new friend and explore the community
Our retreats enable you to enjoy relaxation, solitude and contemplation. But we also appreciate God’s creativity and humor. Laughter abounds and often serves as the release necessary for a deeper experience with God and others.

Step away from the demands of your calling and step into a special place where you can more clearly feel God’s presence and respond to His call.

This time, Will was able to go with me. As you notice in the pictures, we were snowed in and had a wonderful time reconnecting with God and with one another. Now, I do plan on sharing a few more things from our time away here on my blog, so stay tuned.

However, if you are a pastor, go right now to the website and select a time in the next few months that you can devote to your first love and the reason you became a pastor.

Making History!

What a great speech! A few things that I have been thinking about: 1. regardless of whether you voted for Obama, he is now our president. 2. We should pray for him and all governing officials. 3. The time is ripe for change and change is what we got.

Quotes of interest to me: "The world has changed and we must change with it."

"patchwork heritage is our strength"

"entering a new era of responsibility, cease it gladly, not grudgingly"

"less than 60 years ago my father would not have been welcomed in resturants not far from here, and now I am standing here..."

Would love to dialogue with any and all.....

A bit from "Letter from Birmingam City Jail" by Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Here are some words from King that have resonated with me for years, perhaps since I first felt a deep disappointment with the church. It has been 11 years. On the newly celebrated MLK holiday in 1998 I decided to pick up and read "A Testament of Hope" (the Essential writings and speeches of Martin Luther King, Jr.). I read it just about cover to cover and could not put it down. His courage to choose the way of Jesus and to preach love in the midst of being jailed, stabbed, threatened, and the like gave me great courage to do the same. This was one of the most difficult periods of my ministry. The church was causing me great disappointment and I found in King a friend on the journey.

"But despite these notable exceptions I must honestly reiterate that I have been disappointed with the church. I do not say that as one of the negative critics who can always find something wrong with the church. I say it as a minister of the gospel, who loves the church; who was nurtured in its bosom; who has been sustained by its spiritual blessings and who will remain true to it as long as the cord of life shall lengthen...So here we are moving toward the exit of the twentieth century with a religious community largely adjusted to the status quo, standing as a taillight behind other community agencies rather than a headlight leading men to higher level of justice...Yes, these questions are still in my mind. In deep disappointment, I have wept over the laxity of the church. But be assured that my tears have been tears of love. Yes, I love the church; I love her sacred walls. How could I do otherwise? I am in the rather unique position of being the son, and the grandson and the great grandson of preachers. Yes, I see the church as the body of Christ. But, OH! How we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and fear of being nonconformists. There was a time when the church was very powerful. It was during that period when the early Christians rejoiced when they were deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the churches were not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society...If the church of today does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church, it will lose its authentic ring, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century."

On-line friends and such

Today (Monday) should be my off day. I did not and have not been sleeping much at night. I am sure that my friend Joe would tell me that it is because I am not trusting God. Well, he may be right! I am praying-"casting," but haven't really left some matters securely in God's hands. He says that we sometimes think of casting like casting a reel in fishing. We cast and then draw it back and cast again. He says that THAT is what I do. I'm trying! I'm crying, doing all the things that have brought me a breakthrough in the past, but nothing for now.

Joe is a perfect example of one of these guys that is connected to everyone. He has been a confidant to me over the last couple years. I think he is to lots of people. I wonder if he has anyone to confide in?

He is in his 50's and is on the cusp of societal change. Even though I and others have encouraged him to join on-line social networks such as facebook, he has resisted as of yet. Perhaps he knows that as "facebook friends and social networking are not adequate substitutes for authentic friends" (L. Gregory Jones)

Can we have authentic friendships on-line? Can we find support and encouragement via wires and signals and images? Is on-line social networking creating a next generation who cannot build, sustain and deepen authentic friendships?

Here is a little bit more of an article by L. Gregory Jones (Dean of Duke Divinity School): "We long for relationships with people who know us so well that their lives impact and influence ours. Young people love the high-tech world of multi-tasking and interactive media, but like the rest of us, they long for personal intimacy...A sociological study found that between 1985 and 2004 the average American's number of close confidants declined from three to two, and that those reporting "no close confidants" jumped from 10 to 25 percent...Why does a lack of confidants matter? We are created for relationships, and we long for support and encouragement from those who know us well....confidants sometimes know us better than we know ourselves. They can and do check our propensity for self-deception. They challenge us, support us and encourage us to dream even when we have given up. Even when they call us to account, we are confident that they are doing so with our intersts at heart. Duke's Pulpit and Pew project uncovered a significant amount of self-reported loneliness and isolation among American clergy...This loneliness ought to sound alarms among those institutions and people charged to support and encourage congregations and clergy. If there is any place in American culture that ought to encourage deep and lasting friendships, it's the church, and our pastors ought to be catalysts who nurture others' friendships. Can churches be vehicles for both extending social networks and deepening friendships, for laity and clergy alike?"

Such great questions and such great observations. I'm going to post this and write more about this later. I'm getting tired. Maybe I will sleep?