Learning to live in the Kingdom of God....part 1, "John 2 or half eaten burritos of self-rule"

It took me a long while to convince him that those deep fat fried burritos from the convenience stores were really NASTY!  Like other foods that are consumed mostly for their convenience (processed cheese food, french fries, canned ham, etc...), they contain no or very little real food.  This is my argument:  "It may taste good, but it is not satisfying and not nutritious."  Will, the to whom I am married, and me on occasion will eat such things and when we do, it is always with full awareness.  "Do you want some mechanically separated chicken parts, or a nasty burrito...?" we say.

Contrasting these NOT real food is the fine fare that is served at banquets, fine restaurants  and weddings.  While reading John 2 and encountering Jesus at a wedding in Cana a thought occurred to me.  Jesus just showed up and with Him the reality of the kingdom of God.  Anything is possible (water turning into wine) where Jesus is and those who choose to be with Him, watching Him, in relationship with Him will always have their needs met.  Life with Him is nutritious and satisfying.  Here is a little of Psalm 145, the message paraphrase, which paints such a beautiful picture of life in the Kingdom of God:        

Your kingdom is a kingdom eternal;    

     you never get voted out of office.

    

God always does what he says,

     and is gracious in everything he does.

    

God gives a hand to those down on their luck,

     gives a fresh start to those ready to quit.

All eyes are on you, expectant;

       you give them their meals on time.

Generous to a fault,

  

       you lavish your favor on all creatures.

Everything God does is right—

 

    

     the trademark on all his works is love.

God’s there, listening for all who pray,

       for all who pray and mean it.

So the question would remain, why are you and I sometimes slow to choose that which is satisfying (living in the Kingdom of God) and that which is nutritious (the lavishness of His love and way for us)?  In my honest moments, when I'm telling the truth to myself and to God, I have to admit that one little thing that keeps me from remaining satisfied with nutritious food is this pesky remaining chunk of pride.  It is wanting to be in charge of my own life...wanting to do things my way!  Surrendering and relying on Jesus does feel like work sometime. There are days when it is such a battle because on one hand I want to see God's abundance and live in it (feasting at the wedding with fine wine) and yet there is this part of me that seems to be rummaging through the back alley garbage dumpster thinking that the half eaten burrito of self rule is somehow tastier?!

The words of Mary in John 2:5 encapsulate surrender and this is my prayer:  "do whatever Jesus says!"  Yes,  may it be your way, Jesus, my guide, teacher, Savior, and King.

"Rules" for living in community

Those who have chosen to live in community frequently develop a "rule."  This document outlines what it looks like to live in community with others and what each person commits to as he or she is deciding to join the community.  St. Benedict's rule is fascinating.  It says that a person wanting to join the community can be left on the steps for up to a week being given a little bit of food here and there.  Imagine getting the idea you may want to join a Benedictine community, walking there with only a bag slung over your shoulder, and knocking on the massive door of the monastery.  "Do you want to be a Benedictine?" the person says.  You reply, "yes, of course, that is why I came."  The person slams the door and says "you are not ready, but you can wait there until you are ready, if you wish."  The next day, someone throws you a scrap of bread and a similar conversation happens.  The Benedictines figured that only those who REALLY want to be Benedictines would suffer in body and spirit in this way. 

Living in community takes humility.  "Rules" and obedience in deference to others is not popular even among those who claim to walk in the way of Jesus.  Perhaps even for some (I'm in this category) who REALLY want to live in community, who really want to be obedient, who really desire to stand in God's presence in the company of others, actually doing it means letting go.  It means that body, mind and heart are disciplined. 

My daily experience is that of being humbled.  Will I walk in the way of Jesus and accept the humbling with Jesus? 

"Let all of you then live together in oneness of mind and heart, mutually honoring in yourselves the God whose temples you have become."  from the Rule of St. Augustine found on http://www.midwestaugustinians.org/prayerrule.html.  The Augustinian heritage quiz is fairly easy.  My new found humility prevents me from telling you my score

Hands

St. Augustine says:  "God gives where he finds empty hands."  I searched for an appropraite "cupped hands" photo on microsoft free clip art site and the majority of the picutres were of communion cups or coffee cups. I also modified my new "wounded hearts beholding God" (blog title) from St. Augustine.  He had a profound appreciation for confession and I have found his work entitled just that to be refreshing.  There is no pretense or pretending with him.  The empty hand image is one I like very much and often as I pray my palms will be open and lifted slightly up.  As to speak to God even with my body language that I want nothing more than to sit and receive.

Self-knowledge must never be abandoned

St. Teresa of Avila says:  "This path of self knowledge must never be abandoned, nor is there on this journey a soul so much a giant that it has no need to return often to the stage of an infant and a suckling....Along this path of prayer, self knowledge and the thought of one's sins is the bread with which all palates must be fed no matter how delicate they may be;  they cannot be sustained without this bread"

This may sound sort of twisted, but it is true.  We cannot pretend to be better than we are.  As you and I come face to face with the messiness that within us, there is nowhere else for us to go but the throne of grace.  Not turning these things over to God will ultimately make our lives all the more messy.  Yet, if we are brave enough, when we confess, we are fed.  It is only when we come forward with honesty that we find our Heavenly Father who is open-armed.  If we pretend that there is nothing wrong with us then we will not know His embrace.  We will not hear these words of truth:  "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." (Psalm 103:8)

C.S. Lewis says:  "lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us."

Actual Life

This blog has been around for eight years.  It's hard to believe how time flies.  This time of year always demands an increase in evaluation.  As pastors know, January is premium time to retreat as I had the practice of doing for many years.  Part of my retreat would include some sort of self-examination.  There is some discomfort in this practice, that is if you really hold your life before God and ask his search light to reveal the mess and the marvels of life.  This kind of self-examination because of its intensity will result in real confession.  Yet, there are periods in our lives when we say with the Psalmist: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.  See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting"(Psalm 139:23-24) and after entering into this prayer, we find something similar to an internal fire alarm sounding.  Though we think we want to confess, we are scared to death to face to face with the caverns and crevices of sin soaked garbage and filth that hides most of the time.  These hidden sins ooze out in unguarded moments when our tact meter is not fully functioning. 

This post is a form of confession.  Pretending is what I have done so often.  It has become a habit.  What will God find as I offer my heart to Him for examination?  What uncomfortable truth have I been pretending doesn't exist? 

One reality that I'm living with is that I no longer am a pastor.  I do not have pastoral charge over a congregation. (I do preach in a variety of country churches in our area about twice a month.)  One of my defining "identities" has slipped away.  This fact still grieves me after two years of having taken a leave of absence.  I must confess that this is part of my woundedness. 

I have decided to retitle this blog to match my actual life and not my previous life.  Do not worry!  I am not going to change it back if I so happen to be lead by God back into pastoring again.  My identity is more firmly in God now and very loosely in a title, job, or occupation.    

Youth is renewed

G.K. Chesterton's idea about God's creativity has captured my imagination. Creation is God's repeated action of goodness. It is a routine God has in order to bless us. Chesterton compares God to children when they find a particular game or joke that they like they say, "do it again," until the grown up is exhausted of it. He goes on to say that perhaps it is because "grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, 'do it again' to the sun; and every evening, 'do it again' to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God made every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we...Heaven may encore...."

Now standing in a pile of yellow, brown, orange crumpled leaves, I look up and see all of the sky. I hear the gees squawk and feel the gusting of the chilly air. The clap of the falling leaves make me think that God is encoring. The turning of the seasons never grows monotonous for me. Sometimes I need reminding that patterns and routines can be enjoyed. God invites us into routines as we live in relationship with Him and sometimes it may seem sort of chaotic and other times may seem very monotonous. Yet, God is always creating and re-creating us from the inside out. It is his routine to create and bless and He never gets tired of it.

Weariness and aging happens as we turn away from God's creating and recreating in us. We turn grumpy and resentful when we do not ask for God's energy and vitality for our day to day living. If we do not invite God, we will "turn old" before our time.

God offers us a renewed, energy giving, life sustaining source that is never exhausted:
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and do not forget all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good as long as you live.
So that your youth is renewed like the eagles. (Psalm 103:1-5)

Morning and Evening Prayer (John Ballie)

The prayers below are just a sampling from John Baillie (A Diary of Private Prayer). They have touched my heart and I would like to share them with you.

Morning Prayer
"O God my creator and redeemer, I may not go forth today except You accompany me with your blessing. Let not the vigor and freshness of the morning, or the glow of good health, or the present prosperity of my undertakings, deceive me into a false reliance upon my own strength. All the good gifts have come to me from you. They were yours to give and they are yours also to curtail. They are not mine to keep; I do but hold them in trust; and only in continued dependence upon you, the giver, can they be worthily enjoyed.

Let me then put back into Your hand all that you have given me, rededicating to your service all the powers of my mind and body, all my worldly goods, all my influence with others. All these, O Father, are Yours to use as you will. All these are Yours, O Christ. Al these are Yours, O Holy Spirit. Speak in my words today, think in my thoughts today and work in all my deeds. And seeing that it is Your gracious will to make even of such weak human instruments in the fulfillment of Your mighty purpose in the world, let my life today be the channel through which some little portion of your divine love and pity may reach the lives that are nearest to my own.

In Your solemn presence, O God, I remember all my friends and neighbors, my fellow townsfolk, and especially the poor within our gates beseeching You that You would give me grace, so fare as in me lies, to serve them in Your name. Amen.


Evening Prayer
"O Thou who art from everlasting to everlasting, I would turn my thoughts to Thee as the hours of darkness and of sleep begin. O Son of my soul, I rejoice to know that all night I shall be under the unsleeping eye of One who dwells in eternal light.

To thy care, O Father, I would now commend my body and my soul. All day Thou has watched over me and Thy companionship has filled my heart with peace. Let me not go through any part of this night unaccompanied by Thee.

Give me sound and refreshing sleep.
Give me safety from all perils.
Give me in my sleep freedom from restless dreams.
Give me control of my thoughts, if I should lie awake.
Give me wisdom to remember that the night was made for sleeping, and not for the harbouring of anxious or fretful or shameful thoughts.
Give me grace, if as I lie abed I think at all, to think upon Thee.

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips; when I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.

To Thy care also, O Father, I would commend my friends, beseeching Thee to keep them safe in soul and body, and to be present to their hearts to-night as a spirit of power and of joy and of restfulness. I pray also for the wider circle of all my associates, my fellow workers, my fellow townsmen and all strangers within our gates; and the great world of men without, to me foreign and unknown, but dear to Thee; through Jesus Christ our common Lord. Amen."

A prayer that I clipped and saved from somewhere!?

"O Lord my God, to you and your service I devote myself, body, soul and spirit. Fill my memory with the record of your might works; enlighten my understanding with the light of your Holy Spirit; and may all the desires of my heart and will center in what you would have me do. Make me an instrument of your salvation for the people entrusted to my care, and let me by my life and speaking set forth your true and living Word. Be always with me in carrying out the duties of my salvation; in praises heighten my love and gratitude, in speaking of You give me readiness of thought and expression, and grant that, by the clearness and brightness of your holy Word, all the world may be drawn to your blessed kingdom. All this I ask for the sake of your Son my Savior Jesus Christ. Amen"

Enjoying the evening breeze

I enjoy imagining life as it was in the garden of Eden. The intricate beauty of butterflies, hydrangeas, and elephants would have been wondrously new. The creating God was delighted that all created things were good and served good purposes. I wonder also if the prophet Isaiah’s vision of the lamb and lion laying down together occurred in those beginning days as well. How I would love to see rottweilers and yorkies play together! Imagining a chihuahua and a pit bull mix playing in the grass together brings delight to my heart. How I would love it if the squirrels and the birds could graciously co-exist without there being any bullying!

It seems like this is the way that God intended life to be. Everything and everyone receiving their very life-breath from God. Everyone enjoying their evening stroll with God through the garden in the early evening. This is the kind of life for which all of us were made.

This doesn’t seem to be the reality for most people, even those who claim to be Christian. God delighted in His creation and set out one simple restriction for the humans that would inhabit the garden. The simple restriction was to enjoy all of the other fruits, just not that one. Soon enough, as Genesis 3 depicts, humans doubted God’s goodness and faithfulness to them. Both the man and woman ate the fruit from that one tree. They turned from God and hid from his presence. God had promised them that the consequence of eating that particular fruit was death. That very day, they suffered the loss of their relationship with God. They were now running and hiding from God and not fit to walk and talk with God in the cool evening.

Human beings were once alive to God. They were created to be responsive to and interactive with him. Adam and Eve lived in a conversational relationship with their Creator, daily renewed. When they mistrusted God and disobeyed him, that cut them off from the realm of the Spirit. Thus they became dead in relation to it… (Willard, Hearing God, 150)

Scripture describes two types of life: physical life and spiritual life. Obviously, Adam and Eve did not suffer physical death that day. They doubted, ate the fruit, and spiritual death was the result just as God had promised. Evidence of their spiritual death is that they could not bear to see their creator, they knew what they had done, and were ashamed.
Genesis 3:8: “They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him ‘where are you?’” Even in their sin, God was seeking them. “When we were dispersed like scattered sheep, and lost in the labyrinth of the world, Christ gathered us together again, that he might bring us back to himself.” (Calvin, The Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life, p. 17)


Moreover, God has continued through all times and places to seek human beings. As is most convincingly clear in the life, teaching, death, and resurrection of Jesus. He declared that this was the main reason for his life: “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) Jesus’ kind of life, the life that we are all welcomed into as we put our confidence in him, is an interactive, conversational and vibrant life. Daily renewed by us and by God. So perfectly set before us in scripture: Psalm 27:13 “I believe that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living,” and Psalm 90:14: “satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, so that we may rejoice and be glad all our days” and Lamentations 3:22: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercy never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

The writers of scripture emphasis that each and every day there is interaction with God. The spiritual life that God restores to people is a day to day dynamic relationship. It cannot be reduced to what Dallas Willard calls vampire Christianity that is satisfied with a little bit of Jesus’ blood to cover sin and yet leaves people unchanged. There is no mention of such a thing in scripture. Salvation is a life and salvation is a living, breathing, day to day exchange with God. The evening breeze comes to us and because of Jesus, we are no longer hiding from our God, but we now come out into His light and find that our spirit life has been restored to us. We can enjoy the evening breeze, the morning chill, and the warmth of the noonday sun with our loving God.

Honoring Father

I have spent a good portion of my life not very grateful for my father. Although, I do believe that I forgave him for all of disappointment that he caused me as a young woman. I remember him laying there in the hospital, hooked up to a breathing machine, asking for forgiveness for being a lousy father. At that time, I told him that I was working on it. I was working on it then and am still working on it.

These old photos that I have scanned over the last few months have allowed me to have my father's face a little more accessible then before. Looking at his smile brightens my day. I no longer hold stuff against him. Now, I am working on "honoring" him.

"A long and healthy existence requires that we be grateful to God for who we are, and we cannot be thankful for who we are without being thankful for our parents, through whom our life came. They are part of our identity, and to reject and be angry with them is to reject and be angry with ourselves. To reject ourselves leads to sickness, dissolution, and death, spiritual and physical. We cannot reject ourselves and love God." (Dallas Willard in the Divine Conspiracy)

I see a lot of self rejection in the lives of foster kids that we bring into our home. One moment with one of them, (only under the direction of God) I said to this one: "I know you are not getting along with your parents right now, but they must not be all bad, cause you turned out a pretty cool kid!"

Family connections are so important to our identity. I am thankful for my parents. I honor them and thank God for their giving me my existance. I am blessed!

Perhaps the ultimate goodness of God is shown to us during those moments when we feel most rejected by our families. More than a few times, I have thought about God being a Father to the fatherless. This great promise is there in Psalm 27, v. 10 (NRSV): "If my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up." It is only because of God's goodness to me in this way that, in turn, makes it possible for me to be thankful for and honor my father.

**In the picture, my sister Becky in the center around age 4 and me on the right around age 2. My father enjoyed a half gallon of ice cream with Kellog's 19 and milk poured over the top of them every night before bed. BTW, he also weighed around 100 pounds at 6'3" when he died in 1995.**

Psalm 27 in the Message

Light, space, zest - that's God!
So, with him on my side I'm fearless,
afraid of no one and nothing.

When vandal hordes ride down
ready to eat me alive,
Those bullies and toughs
fall flat on their faces.

When besieged,
I'm calm as a baby.
When all hell breaks loose,
I'm collected and cool.

I'm asking God for one thing,
only one thing:
to live with Him in His house
my whole life long.
I'll contemplate His beauty;
I'll study at his feet.

That's the only quiet, secure place
in a noisy world,
The perfect getaway,
far from the buzz of traffic.

God holds me head and shoulders
above all who try to pull me down.
I'm headed for his place to offer anthems
that will raise the roof!
Already I'm singing God-songs;
I'm making music to God.

Listen, God, I'm calling at the top of my lungs:
"Be good to me! Answer me!"
When my heart whispered, "seek God,"
my whole being replied
"I'm seeking him! Don't hide from me now."

You've always been right there for me;
don't turn your back on me now.
Don't throw me out, don't abandon me;
you've always kept the door open.
My father and mother walked out and left me,
but God took me in.

Point me down your highway, God;
direct me along a well-lighted street;
show my enemies whose side you're on.
Don't throw me to the dogs,
those liars who are out to get me,
filling the air with their threats.

I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness
in the exuberant earth.
Stay with God!
Take heart. Don't quit.
I'll say it again:
Stay with God.

Two Mourning Doves

(picture by Larry Thompson, 2007-2010,

from www.discoverlife.org)

The windows at my house are open a lot nowadays. I enjoy listening for the distinct and beautiful low "woo whoo" of the mourning dove. I cannot recognize any other bird call. To hear the birds, the TV and music have to be turned off. The inner clatter of worries have to be shushed. So much of that stems from worry and not trusting in the One created all the birds and stars and calls each of them by name. Some days I shush the inner clatter and turn off all other sounds but nature. This restores my soul.

In his article "Background Noise," Cornelius Plantinga, Jr. talks about how unsettling silence is in our culture. We insist on taking music to the beach with us. He gives the example of the music between innings at ball games becoming louder. We push out the bird noises because we are uncomfortable with silence. He states (rightly, I think) that silence is the natural context of our lives. "According to Genesis, God breaks the cosmic silence with a creative word, but he does this only during the days. At nightfall and on the Sabbath, God falls silent. Correspondingly, there is for us, the creatures of God, a natural rhythm not only of work and rest, but also of sound and silence."

He goes on to say: "Noisy souls, like boom boxes, drown out the cries of the gulls. It is the quiet soul that can receive the words, the tones, the timbre of another. A stilled soul can listen even to the silence of another." Having been written in 1995, it says "boom box" where today, perhaps i pod or cell phone would be today's equivalent. Yet, the truth remains, the world gets louder and louder. There are more images and decibles shoved at us all the time. Are we even able to see how this can cause "sensory-overload" and "soul-overload?"

Today, I didn't even play i-tunes. I didn't listen to the radio or cds. I enjoyed the music that God provided through the chirping birds and the fish jumping in the lake. Basil, the sweetest dog in the world, also spoke to me. She groans very loudly when she lays down. The other sounds I heard were leaves dropping from trees, the wind blowing the trees, the click of keys on the keyboard, and my own breathing. All of these sounds are gifts like grace.

"To be a faithful creature of God is to learn something of God's rhythm of silence and sound and silence, to respect and trust it, and then to imitate God by speaking and listening from the context that is as old as the world."

WOO WHOO! Can you hear the mourning doves?

Peace

Peace is a condition of the transformed soul. God offers us this condition. We accept it or invite it into our lives in a similar way that we accept grace into our lives when we first believe. These are such good gifts from God. I never again want to live a day or a minute without this "awareness of God's abundant goodness."

On www.biblegateway.com I searched for the word peace. It produced 247 occurrences in the Old and New Testaments. I have been reading them slowly during moments when I have to wait somewhere and have a few minutes to spare. I have committed some to memory and have used others as prayer in the car. I am hoping that as I do this, these scriptures and the reality that they speak of will grow in my mind and heart so that I may increasingly live in the condition of peace.

An interesting things is happening as I have been trying this: I have become more aware of the "armies that encamp against" (Psalm 27:3) my peace. I am more aware of my weak spots. It is pretty obvious that there are a lot of spots where the condition of peace has not been invited.

Among the many scriptures on peace, here are a few that caught my attention.

Psalm 4:8 "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."

Psalm 29:11 "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."

Psalm 119:165 "Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble."

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

Isaiah 32:17 "The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effects of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever."

Isaiah 54:10 "The the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you."

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 20:21 "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you."

Romans 14:17 "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Ephesians 2:17 "He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near."

1 Thessalonians 5:23 "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Jude 1:2 "Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance."

Revelation 1:5 "Grace and peace to you from him who is, and who was, and who is to come, and from the seven spirits before the throne, and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth."

Happy meditating, my friends!

Three thoughts on transformation

Beautiful calla lilies grow everywhere in the Bay area of California. Having had a failed attemptt at growing these beauties in a pot years back, I was stunned that they cover the place. This is what my friend Laura called the "trinity of calla lilies" in the garden at Mission Santa Clara.

To go along with these three beauties, I am picking three beautiful experiences of transformation from my Institute for Christian Spiritual Formation week retreat.

1. Words, especially God's word, have the ability to wallpaper our mind. Have you ever taken down wallpaper? It is not for light weights or for those who do not have huge motivation to have it done. This is not the kind of job you invite your friends over to help with...it may be worse than asking them to help you move...it is not the way to make and keep friends. Words stick to us and if we are seriously intending to learn the way of Jesus, we will ask for his help in stripping the wall paper of our minds that may include many ugly and even stinky things like shame, self-doubt, or even twisted thoughts about God. Speaking from personal experience, I have very recently allowed such stinky thoughts as "God is punishing me"...."God is forcing me to do this" (among the very stinky wall paper thoughts that had hung in there for most of my life) to be stripped away. These thought are now so far from my mind that I can hardly even retrieve them here to write them. This stripping is all God's doing and it is accomplished by the power of His word. (Yet, you and I do have to be open to it and willing to follow His lead in doing it) His word is what transforms our minds. Now, I like to imagine the wallpaper of my mind being very flowery and with lots of bright colors, maybe even tie-dyed with the beautiful things of God: love, joy, peace, hope, etc...

2. There was an elderly gentleman in the airport talking on a cell phone. From what I can gather, he was talking to a significant other perhaps wife. He talked about the week he had spent with his son and their family. With tears in his eyes and a catch in his throat, he said that his son had not spent more than a few minutes with the rest of the family all week. He then talked about his grandchildren and that spending so much time with them make him "re-think his whole life." The sweet delight of those children seemed to bring this man to openness...perhaps, even transformation, if he so chooses.


3. The "end game" for us and for church is to live everywhere in the power and character of Christ. I look around at the people that gathered with me hearing such fantastic messages and allow my imagination paint a picture of their life outside our two weeks a year together at retreat. I love imagining my friend the architect living in the power and character of Christ as he meets with his clients. I love imagining my friend who stays at home raising a 3 and 1 year old, she is chasing them, praying as she goes, training them in the things of toilets and respect for one another and all the while doing it in the power and character of Christ. I imagine my friend the judge putting on his robe and reciting scripture about being clothed with Christ and know how every single person that stands before him that day will be seen as they are: unceasing spiritual beings with an eternal destiny in God's great universe. I celebrate that I can share this journey in transformation with such beautiful people.

Growing Young by Rich Mullins

I've gone so far from my home
I've seen the world and I have known
So many secrets
I wish now I did not know
'Cause they have crept into my heart
They have left it cold and dark
And bleeding,
Bleeding and falling apart

And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms
And be growing young
Growing young

I've seen silver turn to dross
Seen the very best there ever was
And I'll tell you, it ain't worth what it costs
And I remember my father's house
What I wouldn't give right now
Just to see him and hear him tell me that he loves me so much

And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry
Well I've been around enough to know that that was the lie
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons
Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old
And our Father still waits and He watches down the road
To see the crying boys come running back to His arms

And when I thought that I was all alone
It was your voice I heard calling me back home
And I wonder now Lord
What it was that made me wait so long
And what kept You waiting for me all that time
Was Your love stronger than my foolish pride
Will You take me back now, take me back and let me be Your child

'Cause I've been broken now, I've been saved
I've learned to cry, and I've learned how to pray
And I'm learning

Your prison is also your paint box

Picture is Niagra Falls and of course it goes without saying that the picture never captures it...it is beauty, as it's best.

Here is a little "treasure" that I found in Frank Laubach's "Letters by a Modern Mystic." (BTW, if you do not know it, YOU MUST GET IT TODAY!!!) Almost every word in the entire book is "treasure" worthy. During his time as a missionary in the Philippines, he writes letters to his father about the experiment that he beings in 1930 of living moment-by-moment in conscious communion with God. This particular part of a letter was recalling an experience he had while looking at a sunset over the water with his dog "Tip." (page 50-51)

"I patted Tip's head as he nestled up under my arm, and told him: 'we are two tiny insects in the midst of this terrifying universe. I know a little more than you do, you nice black dog, but not much more. Compared with he gigantic Being who wheels these awful spheres of fire through the sky, I am as near nothing as you are. I know as little about God as you know about me, perhaps ten thousand times less. And perhaps you are wiser than I, for you are contented to be patted on the head and to hunt for fleas, while I am impatient to break loose into the universe. I thought, Tip, when I was younger, that Kant was wrong when he said that the three greatest moral demands are God, freedom, and immortality, but now I believe he was incredibly right. My soul at fourty-six demands immortality as much as it demands God. And it demands freedom from this prison we call the world and the flesh as much as it demands immortality.' Then out of the skies there came a silent voice, 'Your black clouds give the sun its chance. It is surprise, it is escape from darkness to like that makes life so rich. Your prison is also your paint box from which all the beauty you know is pouring. Lanao, where you now sit, is one of the most beautiful creations in all the reaches of space. And there you have the privilege of opening eyes to see beauty, which otherwise would not see. It is selfish of you to desire to escape, until you can take humanity with you. You are not Christlike until you demand that even after you die, your soul shall stay and help others come through to the larger life. I almost fear that my nightly visions, much as I love to give them to you, are making you more selfish, more hungry to get, less eager to give. The most beautiful thing in the universe for you is Lanao stretching around this lake at your fee, for it contains the beauty of immense need. You must awaken hunger there, for until they hunger they cannot be fed."

God's beauty is all around us and when we open our eyes and see what all is at our finger tips...wherever we sit, stand, work, sleep, eat, drive, shop, etc... is filled with beauty...even, or perhaps especially, in the people that God has put right here.

Feet

(Art: "Golden Rule" Mosaic by Jaro Nemcokat the UN Headquarters)

Here lately I have been doing a lot of imagining about the feet of Jesus. No really, it is true. I do not imagine Jesus really wearing shoes, not what we would consider shoe. He didn't own suped up tennies with a swoosh on them. There was no need for him to run. Notice that he is never in a hurry. He took his time with people: really listening, engaging them where they were, caring for their needs. He didn't rush conversations. He wasn't satisfied with small talk. Where he went, with whom he spoke he was really present. His "soul" was wherever his feet were. He wasn't half-paying-attention when people were talking to him. He wasn't planning his response.

"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news ,who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, 'your God reigns.'"

This passage from Isaiah 52 is often quoted as referring to Jesus. Yet, what if it also referring to you and me....those who take up apprenticeship to Jesus. What if our feet are beautiful when we do as he did? What kind of presence do we have? What kind of tidings are we bringing?

It is my conviction that when we stand with those who suffer, we carry with us the same power Jesus had. He said that under that kind of anointing, with His sort of power all things were possible. "Release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free." (Luke 4:18) I may not be able to single handidly reverse the oppressive structures of racism or sexism. Yet, I can do my part. Praise God that I can do something. I can partner with Jesus as I go everywhere. I can discover my own hands and feet and voice and be very present with those who suffer the most in our world. "Those" people, by the way, are the ones with which Jesus most generally hung. We really are His hands and feet.

Got a billboard for the Blue Jay?

I love bird watching nowadays. Having favorite past times such as hiking, camping, and gardening, it actually surprises me that birds(until now)have not caught my attention. Now I love them!! Birds instantly make me happy. I enjoy watching them fly to the feeder, dance around and play with one another, scavenge for food. At any given time we may have up to 20 birds on our deck. (I have actually learned their names! thanks to my friend Tina and this great book "National Geographic Field Guide to the Birds of North America.")Downy woodpeckers, titmice, cardinals, blue jays, carolina chicadees, juncos, american goldfinch, purple finch and red-bellied woodpeckers.

Birds and Blooms magazines were given to me by my friend Tina and I was so pleased with them I could not wait to look through them and read them. This photo was taken from their web site. The latest issue features David Shaw from Fairbanks, Alaska answering the question "why feed birds?" and his answer matches mine with a special twist I will tell you about after I quote him. "Conservationist are constantly trying to put the importance of wildlife, wilderness and nature into economic terms. As though the dollar value of a flock of shorebirds or the birds at my feeder is all that matters. This, I now realize, is utter nonsense. What makes birds valuable, what makes them worthy of our protection, is their inherent beauty. It is their beauty that enriches our lives, not their economic value. And this enrichment is priceless. In this age, the noise of televisions, computers, radios, the Internet and automobiles constantly surround us. Buried in this cacophony of multimedia, we are far removed from the natural world. Yet, part of me yearns for that connection."

Yes, this is the very reason that I have fallen in love with birds. Their beauty and play reminds me that life is beautiful. Beyond that, God created each of them and knows not just their generic name, but all of their individual names. For instance, we first started noticing that we had a blue jay and we loved to watch him. We thought that he was the only blue jay in our backyard until we had two, then three, and soon four on the railing and bird feeder. I was thinking about giving him a name when I thought "he" was the only one...maybe "BOB" the blue jay, or "Bartholomew" the blue jay. Notice the picture, if you cannot watch blue jays in person, that blue jays have a stripe around their necks and it seems to me that it would be a perfect little natural place to hang a name badge or billboard like they say around their necks so that we would know each of them by name. Now that we can count up to four, we figure that we really have a whole mess....but we will never know each of them by name. We will never know their individual names or the small differences between each one of them.

However, God does know them!!! And knowing that makes me so enormously pleased because I know and trust the words of Jesus as never before. I know that God cares for me, knows me, and is always wanting what is good for me. "Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow or reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more valuable than they...Therefore do not worry, saying 'what will we eat?' or 'what will we drink?' or 'what will we wear?' For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father know that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
(Matthew 6:26, 31-33)

Bird watching is a wonderful antidote to worry. Peaceful enjoyment!

A Sturdy Place to Perch

"The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in it's branches." Jesus says this about His kingdom. One way to understand this is that the work of God begins in ways that are almost imperceptible in our lives and then it grows and grows becoming something that is not only obvious but also beneficial to others.

Another one of my heroes is Henri J.M. Nouwen who was insightful about the things of the kingdom. His mind and imagination could enter a scripture. He really allowed scripture to read his own heart. His writings invite the reader to enter these realities of scripture in deep ways. He is always humble and transparent, often thinking that he had really not made any progress in the spiritual realm all of his life. In his amazing book "The Return of the Prodigal Son," he writes about being reluctant to become the father (a hero, or the tree that the birds nest in). I think one reason that this impresses me is that I have always been very critical of my own progress in following Jesus. I always wanted that mustard seed of the kingdom to grow into a tree over night! How frustrated I was when it was a slow and sometime imperceptible deal that was not under my control. It is so difficult to accept our own limitations, our wounds, our struggles. There have been times when I have said "no" to the growth of the kingdom in my life because of anger or desires.

Nouwen says this: "They seek a father who can bless and forgive without needing them in the way they need him. I see clearly the truth of my vocation to be a father; at the same time its seems to me almost impossible to follow it. (you see he resisted the growth of tree growing) I don't want to stay home while everyone goes out, whether driven by their desires or their many angers. I feel these same impulses and want to run around like others do! But who is going to be home when they return (will there be a place for the birds to land and find shelter and food?)...The joy of fatherhood (the joy of allowing God's full reign and growth in your life, the joy of being a fully developed tree) is vastly different from the pleasure of the wayward children. It is a joy beyond rejection and loneliness; yes, even beyond affirmation and community. It is the joy of a father that takes its name from the heavenly Father and partakes in his divine solitude. (It is the joy of having the kingdom expand through the roots, trunk, and branches of your life and allowing God to live His life through your life). It does not surprise me at all that few people claim fatherhood for themselves. The pains are too obvious, the joys too hidden. And still, by not claiming it I shirk my responsibility as a spiritually adult person...A voice says me me, "Don't be afraid. The Child will take you by the hand and lead you to fatherhood. I know that voice can be trusted. As always, the poor, the weak, the marginal, the rejected, the forgotten, the least...they not only need me to be their father, but also show me how to be a father for them. True fatherhood is sharing the poverty of God's non-demanding love...they all wonder whether they are worthy of the unconditional love of God, and they all search for the place where they can safely return and be touched by hands that bless them."
p 138-139

Now more than ever before I am trusting in God's goodness. God is the one who will deal with all our weakness. He is the one who grows us into being spiritual adults. He can be trusted to produce growth: branches sturdy enough for others and growth enough that our life will match His life in welcoming home all who need a place to find rest and restoration.

Heros

A little girl was having trouble sleeping. She asked her mom to come and be with her in her room that night so that she could fall asleep. Following the little girl back to her room in reluctanct compliance to the request, the mom said "don't you know that Jesus is always with you?" "Yes, mommy, I know that, but tonight I think I also need someone with skin on." she replied.

It is a simple truth that sometimes we need other human beings to show us how present God is among us. This why God became flesh and blood and moved into our neighborhood called time and space. Jesus was born in a stable surrounded by the most common creatures on earth. His skin was baby soft and I am sure he cried. His mother Mary had said "do this according to your word," and like most of us committed to a fantastic task knowing very little about what she was really committing to do.

I love to read the gospels because there I see my favorite hero. He did have skin then and with that skin he did such things as healing the blind, touching the leper, looking deep into the eyes of women who had been cast out from society for no real reason. His compassion reaches us at our worst, offers us a hand, and puts us back on our feet again. Jesus is my favorite hero because he also teaches us about the constant availability of God. He was Immanuel, God with us, and made it possible for us to have the abiding presence of God with us every single day. I really do want to live each day with God's abiding presence. I need Him.

I also need other people around me that help me discover what it looks like to take God's abiding presence with me each day. Here are a few people who have showed me in flesh and blood what this looks like. Diana Fessler, Bette Keach, and Rev. Brooks Ambose from Bethel UMC in Moriarty, NM. Bette was my Sunday School teacher when I was in 5th grade. She loved Jesus and loved God's word. She also loved me and at the time I thought she loved me in a special way but come to think of it, she was the kind of person who made all the people in her life feel special. She inspired me to really dig down deep in the word and find my everything in Jesus. I loved her so much and it made me so sad when as a freshmen in college I heard that she had cancer and was going to die. I went home just to say good bye to her. She and I cried together and we prayed. She had peace in life's most challenging moments. I knew that Jesus was holding her tight as she passed from this life to the next. Diana Fessler was a young woman when she volunteered to help with our youth group when I was in the 6th grade. She was easy to talk to and always gave me excellent direction especially when I was wanting to go my own way and not listen to the wisdom of my mother. She was cool and a good example to me in my early teen years. Rev. Brooks Ambose was the pastor at Bethel during my growing up years. He was retired from the military, a second career, just out of seminary new pastor when he came to us. None of this was important to me as a young person. I didn't realize that he was inexperienced at being a pastor. I thought he was perhaps the most wise teacher and preacher ever. All I knew was that he loved Jesus and that he really wanted all of us to love Jesus also. He really believed in the spiritual disciplines and holiness of heart and life. He was a real Wesleyan. His laugh and smile are unforgettable. More than a few times, he came to our house and took a genuine caring interest in our family. We could call him in the middle of the night if we needed to be reassured that there were some people around living in that abiding divine presence with skin on.

I bless God for giving us all examples of life in the Kingdom of God. We are not left alone. We always have heros of the faith who have gone before us....even in their imperfection (the subject of my next blog), they show us that God is truly good and available to each of us everyday if we will simply welcome Him to be. We are all given the humbling and awesome task of bringing God-with-us to others.

Tamberitzen or Not, part 2 of Crazy Fun Saturday

It was around 1:30 in the afternoon when we completed that project and on the drive home from there, we left a message for the Family Service Day coordinator. I said, "wanted you to know that we finished over there and had a really great time. Thanks for letting us do it. Let us know if there is anything else that needs done."

Not two minutes after we arrive at home, we get a call back from her saying that the message that I just left her made her day. (I love to make people's day. It was such a small thing. But, it was a blessing to me to be able to help and I simply just passed it along to her) She said that there were two more projects that needed done and wondered if we would be willing to do either of them. So, we agreed, got the name, address, phone number of a person who needed their yard raked. We called and left the house about 5 minutes later.

There was a lot of raking to be done. We were almost done raking and realized that it was about 4 and we had to meet our friends to go to Granite City and see the Eastern European dance troupe called "Tamberitzen." Just then, a huge SUV parks in front of the house and the coordinator of Family Service Day gets out and 6 junior highers follow with rakes in their hands. We left the final few minutes of raking to them.

Will and I hustled home as we have been planning this Tamberitzen night out with our friends Sarah and Ron since June. We made quick time at cleaning up and making ourselves look ready to go out. Sarah was kind enough to drive and we enjoyed catching up with them on the way to Granite City about an hour drive away.

Sarah recommended a few options in the area for dinner and we settled on a Japanese place pretty close to where we were headed. I have only eaten Japanese a couple of times and not very recent, so we were like little kids who have never eaten out before. Will took careful examination of the sushi menu. Finally, he opted for four rolls: teriake chicken, avocado, fried shrimp, and crab stick. We watched the woman make it and it was so fascinating. The finished product was so beautiful. I told her that she really was an artist. Hopefully I will put a picture of it here so that you can admire it also. I ordered a spicy pork dish that was perfectly spicy and very tasty. What a treat!

We speed out of there and arrive at Granite City High School, the location of the Tamberitzen performance and the parking lot was bare. None of the lights in the school were on. We walked around the entire school....three enormous buildings....checking every single door. We had no idea what was up?! Sarah was a bit aggravated. We really wanted to see the Tamberitzen but were so thrilled by our dining experience that it was almost impossible to be aggravated. Another car pulled up and we talked to them, seeing if they knew anything. Finally, Sarah called her dad who gave us another lady's telephone number. Turns out, six of the Tamberitzens got the H1N1 virus. The performance was cancelled. BOOOO!

We wondered the city, Borders, coffee, ice cream, an altogether wonderful day!

I did not have one moment to sit and relax...not one moment to be lazy. It was nothing at all what we expected or planned, however it was so much better.

Crazy Fun Saturday

Friday night I was very tired. One day last week, I did 9 presentations in one day! That is a busy day! Because I was so tired, I told Will that I wanted to just be lazy on Saturday. Originally we had intented to volunteer for the church's Family Service Day. We hadn't received any kind of information about it so we figured that there were more people volunteering than needed work done.

After sleeping in on Saturday morning, we drank coffee, lots of coffee! I decided to make Almond Meal pancakes. They turned out awesome. Will takes over and somehow they look beautiful! While we are eating, he is trying to convince me to accompany him in organizing our storage unit. (this didn't sound like relaxation) But after those amazing pancakes, I was motivated to go to our storage unit. We moved about 2/3's of the stuff out, sorted some stuff, found the Christmas decorations, the fuzzy socks, and some odd sports memorabilia items that Will thinks he might sell. All of this took about an hour and a half.

We were driving back to our house when the coordinator of the Family Service Day called us and asked if we were still willing to help. Apparently, we were sent an e-mail giving us details about jobs that we had been given. Cyber-monster have been eating a lot of messages lately. She told us the details: a lady need a little bit of painting done and her gutters cleaned out. No problem! We went and enjoyed her company, stories of her husband's recent death and her coping by fixing up the house. She has a cute house and an adorable dog.


TBC...."Tamberitzen" part two of crazy fun Saturday

Finding what is precious

"Only the heart knows how to find what is precious." Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Like this excerpt from a rural newspaper in our area: (names and such purposefully omitted to protect their identity)

"On October 12, the children were out of school for Columbus Day, so Grandpa Bob decided to take some of his grandchildren on a little adventure to the woods. He wanted them to see what it was like to eat when he would go on his hunting trips. They took some freeze-dried meals, water, and lemonade packets. They found a big log to settle down on and fix lunch. After lunch they took a walk in the creek. The group enjoyed the meal, finding frogs, caterpillars, and turtle shell, turkey feathers, and deer tracks...Grandpa Bob plans to take the rest of the kids at a later date."

God's Abundant Goodness

A few days ago, I was having a bad day. There wasn't anything catastrophic happening, just a million small irritations. All the while I have been memorizing and meditating on Psalm 145. It is full of fantastic praising, thanking, and blessing God for who He is and what He does. (BTW...it is hard to memorize, but worth the effort, I believe!)

"One generation shal laud your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. On the glorious splendour of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. The might of your awesome deeds shall be proclaimed, and I will declare your greatness. They shall celebrate the fame of your abundant goodness, and shall sing aloud of your righteousness. The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and His compassion is over all that he has made."

I carry the scripture that I am memorizing/meditating with me on big sticky notes. On this particular day, during a half hour break I had I sat down on a bench and read over it. I then began making a list of all the ways that God has worked in my life recently and all the goodness that He has showed me. Overwhelming!!!

Along with the exercise, the words of Dallas Willard came to me as he was speaking to us about "counting our blessings," he made one of those most insightful comments about nature and what a gift it was from God to us. He said "how can you be grumpy when looking at a beautiful rose." The rest of my day, I looked at life much differently. My physical body was still not brimming with energy, but my spirit was lifted and I was able to celebrate with all "those" who have eyes to see God's abundant goodness.

Here is just a sampling from my list: You cannot be grumpy when.....

you look at autum leaves

you hear children laughing

you remember that ten people showed up to help you move

you listen to your favorite song

you watch your dogs tail wag as she sees you coming home

I'm sure you have your own list. If you don't, maybe you should;)

"Laziness" or lack of intention

Thank you Deanna for saying that our fear about accepting our dominion is laziness. Yes, I think that this is so. We are afraid, overwhelmed, guilty, and stuck.

Getting unstuck is quiet the challenge. It is only for those who are willing to hear the words of Jesus and allow them to sink deep into their hearts. It means giving our whole realm of influence over to His kingdom.

Jesus gives us everything we need to live with Him as our king. He gives us a new identity as his holy and beloved children (Colossians 3:11). He gives us His living, breathing presence to guide and direct, and teach us (John 14:26). He gives us His peace and His promise to never leave us (John 14:27-15:11). He has created us to enjoy such a life.

Jesus is giving us everything! The ball is now in our court. We have to decide that we want to be unstuck and grab His hand so that he can pull us out of our mud. Reaching for His hand and grabbing hold takes trust and surrender. It is not easy, yet it is easy. If we intend to really trust then it is easy. Yet, so many seem to say that they want Jesus' hand, but they really don't intend to take it. They think that they can have just a little help while remaining in their mud. Jesus and the life that he offers doesn't appear to work that way. Unless you really intend to follow, you won't.

"On all the wooing love of God falls urgently, persuadingly. But he who, having will, yields to the loving urgency of that Life which knocks at his heart, is entered and possessed and transformed and transfigured. The scales fall from his eyes when he is give to eat of the tree of knowledge, the fruit of which is needed for the healing of nations, and he knows himself and his fellows as comrades in Eden, where God walks with them in the cool of the day." (Thomas Kelly, A Testament of Devotion, p. 57)

The loving urgency of Jesus...what else could be want? Some days I want it a whole lot more than others. Some days I think I'm just lazy. Other days I think I might be doing fairly well at bringing good about in my little kingdom.

Joseph as an example

I immediately think about Joseph when considering good examples of persons who do their work "unto" the Lord. Read the story of Joseph in Genesis chapters 37, 39, 40-46. Consider the story of Joseph and how he "reigned" in his kingdom. Consider how much good came from his life as he lived it in light of what God wanted. Consider how often he could have chosen a quiet different path and the natural consequences of that.

From the Message, Genesis 45:4-8 "Come closer to me," Joseph said to his brothers. They came closer. "I am Joseph your brother whom you sold into Egypt. But don't feel badly, don't blame yourselves for selling me. God was behind it. God sent me here ahead of you to save lives. There has been a famine in the land now for two years; the famine will continue for five more years—neither plowing nor harvesting. God sent me on ahead to pave the way and make sure there was a remnant in the land, to save your lives in an amazing act of deliverance. So you see, it wasn't you who sent me here but God. He set me in place as a father to Pharaoh, put me in charge of his personal affairs, and made me ruler of all Egypt.

Our Work Offered Unto God

Yesterday and today were very busy and stressful days at work. I had to leave at
6:45 a.m. on Tuesday after arriving back at home on Monday night around 10 p.m. WOW!! I was so tired last evening that I sat in the chair and rested/napped from 4 to 5. Last night I had to prepare stuff for today's presentations. I presented "Internet Safety" to 7th graders and had never done this particular presentation before, so I had to work some last night. My presentations went well today and I really do hope that these teens will make good decisions regarding what they do on-line. To say the least, it has been a very stressful "re-entry" into the day to day here.

I'm very grateful for this new assurance in my heart that wherever I go God goes with me. Today, I was, as they say "burning grace!" I was pulling fuel like a 737 (which of course I just in 2 of those on Monday) It is amazing to me and so refreshing that especially when I am pushed to the max, I can rely on a source of power that never runs out.

Public schools may be built with public funding, but when I enter those doors the Kingdom of God enters with me! I love this!!! I pray as I enter every school. I ask God: "God, what is it that you and I will do together here today? Show me, I am ready to see."

Here is a little William Law for your edification: "As a good Christian should consider every place as holy because God is there, so he should look upon every part of his life as a matter of holiness because it is to be offered to God. The profession of a clergyman is a holy profession because it is a ministration in holy things, an attendance at the altar. But worldly business is to be made holy unto the lord by being done as a service to Him and in conformity to His divine will."
(chapter 4, in "A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life.")

Genesis 1:26

"Then God said, 'Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth."

Each of us has a sphere of influence, a few areas of life where we have some sort of say in what happens and what does not happen. You could say that we have dominion. Dallas Willard would say that each of us has our own little kingdom. During one moment during our times with him last week, he said that he often asked people: "How are you doing with your kingdom?"

Our kingdom really only functions properly when we subject our kingdom to the Kingdom of God which is introduced by Jesus.

I once preached a few sermons about stewardship, using stewarding as the main verb. The core concept was having dominion. I put it to people like this: How are you doing at stewarding your relationships? How are you doing at stewarding your work? How are you doing at stewarding your possessions? and How are you doing at stewarding your money?

Now, as I look over my life and wonder how I have been doing with my kingdom....have I been exercising my own creative abilities in my realm of influence....have I given over reign of "my kingdom" to God's kingdom? Am I ready to see God's glory in my places of influence? With the hundreds of kids and teens I speak to everyday? Within my marriage? The gym where I sweat? The church that I attend?

Another thing that I have been wondering is: why do we shy away from this notion that we have dominion? Why does it cause a little uneasiness? It is such a significant Biblical concept! What are we so afraid of? (These really are not rhetorical questions....you can comment)

Odd Jobs

I hear a little old guy talking and as I look up from where I am seated on the floor, I smile and adjust my focus onto him. "You must have a really important job," he said. I kind of chuckeled cause I was litterally on the floor and typically jobs that require rolling around on the floor are not considered all that important. "Yesterday, you were working on that isle over there and today you are on this isle," he continued. "Thought I would stop by and say hi."

Besides making me smile and laugh, the man validated this work that I have been doing. I do not necessarily need validating, but it is very nice when it comes.

Over the last few months I have occupied my time with many jobs (both paid and volunteer): removing wood trim off front porch pillars, planting flowers and container gardening, updating the community resource book for Jubilee House, answering the crisis hotline for victims of sexual assualt, cat sitting, substitute Sunday School teaching, administration and communications for Gateway Conference's Leadership Summit, filling the pulpit, and doing merchandizing work at lots of (some near and some far away) small town pharmacies.

Over the last three weeks, my merchandizing job has kept me particularly busy. This month we have been working a very large catagory in each pharmacy. What had been four or six hour visits to each store grew to ten to fifteen hours in each store this month. I'm very grateful for the work and enjoy it for the most part. Overhearing conversations and observing behavior is sort of like doing an informal study on rural culture.

My mind and attitude are shifting a bit. This work may or may not be all that important, but being who I am in the presence of lots of different people is important. Even crawling around a pharmacy floor, cleaning shelves, organizing products, pricing them and visiting with people....could this be a way to carry out my vocation?

Perhaps you could say that the Lord has been convicting me about the subtle ways past and present that I de-value run of the mill "work." I have unintentionally adopted this idea that working in a church, doing some sort of officially sanctioned ministry is a higher form of serving the Lord than all other jobs. Please excuse me for being wrong!!!

The litmus test of all work, whether it be "secular" or "sacred" is whether we do the work intentionally to serve God. The "what" of the work is not as important as the "how" of the work is.

A scripture to meditate on: "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

Vocation or Vacation

Two weeks ago when Will and I were in Lansing, MI, we went to see the Lansing Lugnuts play ball. It is a gorgeous stadium and we were able to park, walk to a wonderful restaurant recommended by Bruce Cromwell. The old train depot was converted into a restaurant called "Clara's". The food was very good and our server was fantastic, not to mention that we were seated up a steep flight of stairs and every time we asked for a beverage refill, he would have to run the stairs. He was in excellent physical condition, clearly, because he was never panting or sweating and remained very cheery through our whole visit.

At the ball game, we found our seats very near the foul post on the first base side of the ball park. Good seats. As we watched the game, I couldn't help but notice that the whole bunch of people around us acted like they knew one another. It was very puzzling! Perhaps we had gotten put in with a group from some kids summer program or a family reunion, I thought.

Soon enough it would become clear what was going on. The announcer was announcing all the special groups that were at the game that night. He said, "we welcome the Knights of Columbus as they come here to support vacations." WOW!!! I didn't know that the Knights of Columbus took such a firm stance in favor of vacations. Myself being very fond of vacations, I thought, oh, how wonderful!! But the reaction of those around me which included a priest was not so pleasant. They said "I cannot believe that he said supporting vacations and not vocations." The lady right next to me said "he cannot even pronounce our bishops name, what is wrong with him?!"

It so happens that we had picked to go to a lugnuts game on the night when the Knights of Columbus was promoting their year long campaign "Year of the Priest." There were tons of priests at the game and at one point, the announcers said, now everybody stand as the "sisters and seminarians" throw out free t-shirts donated by the Knights of Columbus. I stood and yelled my loudest in order to get a t-shirt. I was not successful, though constantly thinking how cool it would be to belted in the head with a t-shirt thrown by a sister with a good arm. I also had the urge to engage one of these priests or seminarians in some theological conversation but I was not able to find one that was not already engaged in some conversation. There was a table with all sorts of literature about the Roman Catholic Church. There was also a booth that seemed to be promoting the priesthood. (Perhaps you should visit the web site of Knights of Columbus and see all of this for yourself at www.kofc.org) I found it odd that they would present it in the same fashion the folks from mastercard do...."come here and see how you can get this thing for free."

As this has been one of the questions that has been bouncing around in my mind over the last few months: "What is vocation?" "Are those who are called to full-time Christian service the ones who have a vocation?" or is it as Dallas Willard once said: "All of us who have heard Jesus invitation to follow and have accepted have simply one vocation: following Jesus!!" He also advocates for those who are occupied doing another job along with doing some sort of ministry should not be called "bi-vocational" rather "tent-makers." What is the meaning of vocation? And does it have any similarity to the other word that so easily swapped with it: "vacation?"

Hiking the "Little Grand Canyon"

A few weeks ago, Will and I didn't have anything scheduled one Saturday so I decided that we would go hiking. We have had this book "Fifty Nature Walks of South Illinois" and had yet to go on any of them. As you may know, I have been getting in excellent shape and wanted to pick something that would be a bit challenging.

We gathered up stuff for lunch and lots of drinks. Basil was outfitted with leash and I attached her treat bag to my pocket. We left home around 8am and traveled south on SH 127 through Murphysboro. We followed the direction in the book and after only a couple minutes of confusion, we arrived at the trail head.

Here is what the copy from wildernet says about the hike: "A 3.6-mile loop trail that has drastic changes in elevation – from 350 to 700 feet at the trail head. In one ¼-mile section the trail rises 300 to 400 feet. The trail follows rocky creek beds, winds next to sheer, majestic bluffs. From the higher elevations there are panoramic views of the canyon, the Big Muddy River bottoms and Fountain Bluff. Interpretive signs explain the geological history."

The part that this copy leaves out is the devastating affect that the inland hurricane of May 5th had on this area. The trail was blocked with down trees. Some trees were not merely down, they had been uprooted. These were large, perhaps 150 year old, 8" in diameter trees. It was sad to see. And it also put us in a sticky situation. After descending the mossy rock creek beds to get to the bottom of the canyon, it seemed most desirable to actually complete the trail verses going back up those mossy rocks.

Basil did absolutely marvelous and constantly wanted to go under down trees instead of over them as her human parents preferred. We navigated through the woods, off the trail, walking along the rock bluffs, and rejoined the trail. We left the trail and rejoined it several times!

A couple of amazing things happened that day. We made it out alive!!!! The other amazing element came in the form of a person: Dan, the plant man. There was a moment when we were first realizing that we were in serious trouble, he suddenly appeared. During our conversation with him, we find out that he is a professor at a university nearby and that his specialty is ferns. Not only that, but he has lead dozens of groups of students on this hike throughout the years. He knows these woods. He helps us get through and then he disappears. No joke, we look up at one point and he is gone. It was very weird! As we were reporting the story to another couple who asked "where our friend went." Will responded, "well he might have been an angel or a ghost because he just disappeared."

We had a great day! The following Sunday, I told part of the story as a sermon illustration (YES, I filled the pulpit and I will blog more about this later). Exiting church, there was a man who grew up very near the little grand canyon and he was very familiar with it. He said: "WOW, you picked that trail as your first from that book and that is probably the most challenging!"

Sitting together at the feet of the Master

One of the "masters" that I have recently had the pleasure of sitting with is Eugene Peterson. He is humble and kind and yet very passionate about pointing to THE MASTER, Jesus. One of the wonderful things he said during our conversation after breakfast was: "schism is the enemy of the church" (He actually said that the reformers such as Calvin and Luther did some stuff right and yet they did a lot of harm to the church as well)

While reading the words of Wesley, I again come upon a great exhortation to the church to stop bickering and set aside petty differences for the sake of the Master. (Notes, paragraph 9 p.5) "Would to God that all the party names, and unscriptural phrases and forms, which have divided the Christian world, were forgot; and that we might agree to sit down together, as humble, loving disciples, at the feet of our common Master, to hear his word, to imbibe his Spirit, and to transcribe his life in our own"

"An Earnest Appeal to Men of Reason and Religion" from the Works of John Wesley (1743)

A skeptic inquires of John Wesley

He asks: "I hear....you preach to a great number of people every night and morning. Pray, what would you do with them? Whither would you lead them? What religion do you preach? What is it good for?"

Wesley replied: "I do preach to as mny as desire to hear every night and morning.

You ask what I would do with them: I would make them virtuous and happy, easy in themselves and useful to others.

Wither would I lead them? To heaven; to God the judge, the lover of all, and to Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant.

What religion do I preach? The religion of love; the law of kindness brought to light by the Gospel.

What is it good for? To make all who receive it enjoy God and themselves: to make them like God; lovers of all; content in their lives; and crying out at their death, in calm assurance 'O grave, where is thy victory! Thanks be unto God, who giveth me the victory, through my Lord Jesus Christ."

Renovare Institute for Christian Spiritual Formation

This October I will begin what Renovare is calling "a two-year experience of becoming like Jesus." As much as this sort of thing might be "programmed," it will include four one week intensive learning times over the span of two years in Menlo Park, CA. Among the teachers are: Dallas Willard, Todd Hunter, John Ortberg, Trevor Hudson, and Emilie Griffin.

The term "spiritual formation" has become sort of in vogue. It is often stripped from the context of "Christ-Focused" and used generically for the spiritual quest of human beings. Yet, at the core, we know that there is no real formation or transformation outside the way of Jesus. We do not follow some generic, vague spiritual quest. We follow Jesus. Jesus, as we discover in the Gospels, lived a very specific and human life. He also emptied himself for us. When we follow Jesus, we trust that His life will be planted in us and grow.

There is nothing that could be better than becoming like Jesus. This kind of language should not seem strange to those who are familiar with John Wesley. Holiness is defined as love of God and love of others. This is the life that we are created for, this is the reason for Jesus life and death, being transformed from the inside-out!

I'm going to put all the "God-talk" on pause and get real with you. I am currently not appointed to a church. After fourteen years of ministry, I found myself run down, frustrated, and very disappointed with the current state of church. Not only that, but I was frustrated with myself as a follower of Jesus and as a pastor. Though some would automatically assume that by me saying this, I am saying that I suffered some sort of "moral" failure or that I was burnt out. Neither of these are true.

I simply realized that I didn't seem to be able to lead a church without losing my own soul. I'm not exactly sure why it is, it just is! It may only be temporary and yet, it may not be. I'm not sure if/when I will return to functioning as a pastor. There are moments when this makes me incredibly sad. Yet, one thing I am very sure of is that I want, more intensely than ever before, to follow Jesus. I want to listen to His voice, to be transformed by Him into His likeness, to love Him more and to love others better.

It is not as though I think that some program is going to "magically" make me like Jesus. That would be unrealistic and perhaps idolatry. There are no formulas for things of the soul. There are no quick fixes or syrupy concoctions to take. There is not a pill you can buy at your local pharmacy or book you can purchase at your local Christian bookstore. There is simply a way that you choose to follow, like putting one foot in front of the other, with the coaching and strength of the One (Jesus) who leads and also stands beside you, and breaths His breath into your lungs.

I hope and trust that those who read my blog are praying for me. You are trusted friends and I do intend to post some-what regularly here as I engage in this institute. Check out www.renovare.us

"It aint all Preachin' and Prayin'"

A Tribute to Rev. Robert Thomson

I received news via the TCU Magazine that one of my beloved mentors/pastors/friends died. Rev. Robert Thomson pastored Hemphill Presbyterian Church for almost 10 years, even as he was in his 80's. The story as I heard it was that the powers that be couldn't find a pastor who wanted to serve a church in the urban core with an aging and declining membership. So, he entered the ministry out of retirement and served well there for many years. This is where (and when) we met. I responded to an add on the bulletin board at Brite Divinity School. It was a "bright" (excuse the pun) pink or green color with the bold title "urban missionary needed!" I immediately felt drawn to it and only a few days later was meeting with Pastor Bob and a couple others from Hemphill around a table. I told them of my passion for reaching urban people and my previous experience in the ministry. Pastor Bob was so precious, walking with a cane, sweet and soft spoken at times, but when he got "fire in his belly" either regarding revitalizing the church or the Word of God, he would turn beet red. His big hands would make big gestures while preaching. He really believed that following Jesus was costly and preached that. As a hotty seminarian I remember thinking that he preached the Matthew 16:13-26 way too much. Looking back, of coarse, I realize how stupid I was. Pastor Bob had it right. The essence of the Gospel is following Jesus (just as Pastor Bob did), denying oneself, taking up the cross! "For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it!" That is what Jesus said. In that firey Pastor Bob way, I can still hear this text ringing in my ears.

Pastor Bob was also a student at Brite at this time. At age 85, he earned a D.Min. in preaching. His passion, his focus, his compassion inspired everyone! Including me. He thought that it would be cool to be preaching when he died. To my knowledge this is not how he went, but on October 5, 2008, he died. I will miss him and appreciate more than words can express his love for his Lord and the church.

Pastor Bob was my supervisor and I know that at time I must have stressed him out. At times he and I butted heads and battled a number of times. Now, looking back, I am grateful that he didn't smack me upside the head a couple times. He was so gracious and knew that the church was a place to give and forgive, an organism that all at once desperately needed to change and desperately resisted change, a living, breathing people of God who could love one another even in the midst of strife. Even in our own push and pull, we remained friends.

One final thought, as we met over breakfast and coffee at the Paris Cafe in Ft. Worth (usually with Mike Cooley also), we would discuss life, the church, ministry within it. He used to love to say, "oh well, Roberta, it ain't all preachin' and prayin'" It's true. Ministry in the church is NOT all preachin and prayin.

He was a beloved mentor/pastor/friend. So, I am lifting my coffee cup to you, Pastor Bob, in this tribute. The pleasure was all mine.

(**excuse the picture also, cause it is fuzzy. It is a picture of a picture from ten years ago**)

Psalm 4

"Answer me when I call, O God of my right!
You gave me room when I was in distress.
Be gracious to me, and hear my prayer.

How long, you people, shall my honour suffer shame?
How long will you love vain works and seek after lies?
But know that the Lord has set apart the fiathful for himself;
the Lord hears when I call to him.

When you are disturbed, do not sin;
Ponder it on your beds, and be silent.
Offer right sacrifices,
And put your turst in the Lord.

There are many who say, 'O that we might see some good!'
Let the light of your face shin on us, O Lord'

You have put gladness in my heart
more than when their grains and wine abound.

I will both lie down and sleep in peace; for you alone, O Lord,
make me lie down in safety."

**Questions to ponder**

Is it easier, more natural or understandable to sin when you are disturbed?

This Psalm has both singular and plural pronouns, meaning that it was writen to be used in public worship and in private/family devotional times. Think about a time when a group of people (corporate) suffered shame? Think about a time when you personally or your family undwent something "shameful." Did this experience drive you into the arms of God?

It is natural for us to try to make sense out of our tragedies. It was no different for the one who wrote this Psalm. William Willimon says that this question "what is God doing in this situation" is what we are taught to ask as Christians and it is generally what we should ask (God) ourselves. Yet, sometimes there is no good answer to the great "WHY" question.

Is there comfort in this Psalm for those unanswered WHY questions? What does the Psalmist do with those questions?

A couple thoughts about my trip to New Mexico

Being with my mom after her surgery was very interesting. The nurse in the post-op room told her directly, "YOU are not the boss!!" Pointing to me she says, "SHE is the boss!!" The jolt of happiness that ran through my blood is yet another piece of evidence proving that I prefer being in control. As I have mentioned here before, I am a recovering control freak...at least I know I have a problem!?

My mom hated that I was the boss and she is such a control freak that she would often catch herself in the middle of a bossy comment and say "yeah, I know I'm telling you what to do and you are suppose to be the boss, but I'm used to being the boss." I would also frequently catch her doing something that was off limits or highly questionable without supervision and she would get that look on her face like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. It was at times very annoying and delightful. I was very patient most of time and only had a few moments when I thought I might crack.

Her shoulder is fine. The surgeon was not able to repair her tendon around the rotator cuff like he had hoped cause it was too far gone. He cleaned up a lot of scar tissue and filed down a bone spur. She is very dedicated to recovering and is doing her physical therapy religiously. For those of you who were praying for her, THANKS!!!!

Along the way, I did finish 3 more books. I am reconsidering the goal of 90 books. I wanted to challenge myself and yet, I might have shot the moon. I may re-adjust the goal to be 90- 100 page books. For instance, the book that I most recently completed is not a thin, just for fun read, John Stott's Incomparable Christ (250 pages). It is just simply not right to commit to reading 90 such books. I could also adapt it to reading only children's books, but that would altogether defeat the purpose of this that being a challenge and enjoyable all at the same time. So, if you have any objection about me adjusting my count accordingly, please write me a comment and I will take it under advisement.